Tag Archives: America

July 25, 2019 · 9:39 pm

This Gender-Swap BS Is Making Me Thor

When I hear Disney the Almighty

Makes a movie about Aphrodite

And Tom Selleck’s the star

(And it isn’t subpar)

Then I’ll sigh and perhaps say alrighty.”

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If I want to be Samuel L. Jackson

For Halloween, I cannot.

I can’t on the basis

That blackface is racist,

Or at least that is what I was taught.

But when Marvel takes a Norse God

And make him a random white chick

That’s not a slight

‘Cause he’s already white

And why can’t a Norse God lack a dick?

——————————————————–

When someone signals virtue

But obviously have none

Why don’t we call their bluff?

I know I have had enough.

Signed, a white guy with a gun.

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July 20, 2019 · 11:09 am

My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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July 16, 2019 · 9:05 am

Really? Really.

In the news: 007 is a black lady

And a million people attack area 51.

Neither endeavor is likely to succeed

But at least “Seein’ dem aliens” will be fun.

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July 12, 2019 · 10:41 pm

Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste

There’s an argument in the USA

About soccer teams and equal pay

‘Cause men got paid more overall

Despite the women winning all the way.

The other side of this tirade

Says the male players are underpaid

Because the revenue their team produced

Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.

Now how revenue or standings weigh

On the importance scale I can’t say.

The real question is, in 2019,

Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?

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July 11, 2019 · 6:38 pm

When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…

“Everyone loves our movies”

Said the Disney corporation

As they embarked on making

Their next live-action adaptation.

“The only problem I can see”

Said a modern movie buff

“Is that your previous films

“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”

And so the Disney corporation

Began to turn away

Anyone who wasn’t brown

Or female or gay.

Now the Disney corporation

Isn’t evil, FYI

Despite their CEO Bob Iger

Being an old cis-hetero white guy.

We know he isn’t evil

And his movies aren’t trash

‘Cause anti-white discrimination

Is what brings Disney their cash

And money, after all,

Is what makes the world go round.

(Also, you know who to blame

If I go missing and am never found).

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July 9, 2019 · 9:07 pm

Dialects

In America we spell “color;”

In the UK it is “colour” with a U.

In America it’s “blue”

InFrance it is “bleu.”

In America it’s “Hell;”

In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”

In America it’s “yay;”

In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”

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July 4, 2019 · 6:29 pm

Today, In America

The family was gathered,

The chicken was frying,

And somewhere on TV

Our leaders were lying.

I was lighting the fireworks

And feeling just fine

‘Til I held up my fingers

And counted to nine.

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July 3, 2019 · 10:35 pm

The Other Declaration

Tomorrow is independence day

In the United States of A,

When lots of old guys wrote a thing

That basically said “Go suck it, King.”

But it’s a day not just about vacation.

Think of the day before the declaration

When patriots said, on that long past 3rd of July

“Holy crap, my dudes, we gonna die!”

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July 1, 2019 · 2:33 pm

And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter

California made it illegal

To discriminate based on hairstyle.

This is one of the greatest things

I’ve heard in quite a while

Because, based on liberal input,

I know that all white people are racist

And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy

For cutting my hair on that basis:

It’s illegal to bias one’s choices

For traditional hairstyles of race

Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros

And because this is the case

I can shave my head to spell letters,

Specifically “I disagree.”

Now watch as the left calls me Hitler

And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”

Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂

Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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June 28, 2019 · 4:43 pm

When You REALLY Don’t Have A Shot With Her

I see a lot of ads these days

When browsing on the net

For Calvin Klein’s new underwear

(I haven’t purchased yet).

Since it’s pride month I get these pics

Of models in a bra.

The caption reads “Proud in my Calvins,”

But I read it as “Hell naw!”

I’m curious if, come July,

We start to see some ads:

“Fruit of the Loom: No fags allowed.”

“Target: For guys with ‘nads.”

“Jesus loves Mack Weldon briefs:

“Wear them or be a sinner.”

“Panties for ladies who realize

“Dildos don’t buy you dinner.”

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