I gave someone a gift
Of pigeons sitting on a rock.
When they asked why I told them:
“I don’t give a flying flock.”
Tag Archives: Bad
Harrr Harrr Harrr…
I found myself marooned
Off the coast of Kansas (somehow)
And saw another pirate was near.
He was selling corn
So I asked about the price.
He said “You’ll only pay a buccaneer.”
Filed under Poems
Schroedinger Goes Golfing
He went out with a ball and club
To tee off on the green
And defined the ball’s trajectory
To a destination unseen.
To warn the other players
Who are simultaneously alive and dead
He shouted the number 24
To avoid whacking a head.
Why he did this most don’t know
But I can tell you why:
The golfer simply shouted 4!
You’re welcome nerds. Now bye!
Filed under Poems
Accidental Victories
Alex Trebek said “It’s used to indicate
“A person or object in the speaker’s sight.”
Bewildered, I asked “What is that?”
And it turns out I was right.
Filed under Poems
Especially If Her Name Is Daisy
My favorite flowers are daisies.
My favorite black president is Obama.
My favorite meal and my favorite animal
Both are the same: They’re yo’ mama.
Filed under Poems
A Pun Not Worth It’s Setup
I jumped in a pool
And grabbed a flotation device,
But that floating noodle
Turned out to be lead.
I don’t know
How it managed to fool me
But, thanks to that impasta
Now I am dead.
Filed under Poems
Also, Just Kinda Gross
They asked me to hold up
Fermented canola, you see.
I refused the order…
Sounds like supporting rapeseed culture to me.
Filed under Poems
Concrete Washington: Folk Hero (Or Just Denzel’s Brother)
Indiana Jones was a big success
(Until 2008).
You have to wonder if similar names
Would enjoy a similar fate
Like Alaska Round, detective
Or Iowa Guysummoney?
Idaho Youhadhertoo?
Would people find these funny?
Kansas state thing be abused
Or must we resort to towns
Like Helena -West Helena Johnson
Or, better yet, Cleveland Brown?
Filed under Poems
Thus Was Born A PhD
The problems with school are many
But the primary lamentation
Is that the methodology
Lacks invigorating implementation.
Instead of “teaching math”
We could promote symbolic logic.
Instead of “reading textbooks”
Let’s devour tomes-pedagogic.
Instead of “learning new words”
Let’s rejuvenate the vernacular.
It’s these zeitgeist-alterations
That would make school more spectacular.
Filed under Poems
You Didn’t Eat Your Broccoli, Thus…
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
Yeah, that’s a thing that Satan wants to do.
His mouth’s already watering
At the prospect of slaughtering
That tasty human spirit that is you!
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
I heard him to his Mrs. Satan say
“Hey, why don’t you and me go
“Have some eggs and Human Ego
“As a nutritious snack to start the day!”
Satan has a hunch
That it’s too soon for lunch
And, by that logic, also too soon for dinner.
But they don’t sleep-in in Hell
And to start his day off well
You are the perfect portion size of sinner!
(Everybody)!
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
He wants to fill his belly with your Id.
I hope you’ve read your Dante
‘Cause you’re what Satan wants. Hey!
That’s what you get for being a naughty kid!
The Daily Travesty 