There once was a birthday party
That started at 6:30
It went a long time,
Which makes it hard to rhyme
Which is why “30” is now pronounced “tharty”.
Tag Archives: Bad
Sick Day Haiku
I am sick tonight
Full of aches and pains and snot…
But the bat tastes good!
Filed under Poems
Christmas Music After They Take Jesus Out
You know Penis and Meatstick, Schlong, Dong, and ManPalace,
Manparts, “The Ramparts,” and Weiner and Phallus,
But do you recall
The most famous Mickey of all?
Mickey the big-dick Reindeer
Had a very shiny body part
And if you go deep enough on Google
You can probably find fan art. (Please don’t try this!)
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh, except the does.
They just avoided contact
To not be labelled ho-ho-hoes.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say…
“Mickey, the elves started an insurrection.
I have need of your balls and weighty erection.”
Then how the laughter halted
As they watched the rebels flee.
“We’re sorry for feeling threatened
By your girthy masculinity!”
OnlineS3curi+y101
It asked me for my password;
I entered happyfreebird.
It said I needed a capital;
I wrote happyfreebirdL.
It said you need a number too;
I wrote happyfreebirdL2.
It said your password is weak and so is your bloodline, your identity will be stolen and you’ll deserve it you basic, filthy fleshbag;
I wrote gibberish because I’m just going to click “Forgot my password” anyway.
Filed under Poems
Car Insurance And Corporate Suckupishness: A Modern Masterpiece Of Poetical Ingenuity
There once was a certifiable psycho
Who didn’t want to save money with Geico.
He was a horrible git
And that’s about it
And if Geico gives me a sponsorship because I emphasized their brand message, then me like-o.
Filed under Poems
Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message
Pixie dust and fairy farts,
Princess hair and fey Walmarts:
Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.
The others are movies that Disney just did.
Filed under Poems
Relationship Advice
If you want to impress a woman
Ask “Will you be my girlfrien?”
She’ll say no, because you forgot the “d”.
Then you grin at her
And say “You’ll get the ‘d’ later”
Then you can say “thank you” to me.
Halloween Eve And Christmas Eve Are Not The Same
Tomorrow we’ll dress up
And take candy from strangers
Then listen to music
About Santa and mangers
But tonight we’ll eat ice cream
And go to Ikea
And buy toilet paper
For Tuesday’s diarrhea.
Filed under Poems
Pixar Lamp Has A New Rival
By chance a man died at a hardware store.
He dropped hundreds of lamps all over the floor.
Detectives had no idea how he ended up dead
But then a light bulb popped over their head!
Filed under Poems
If Only The British Had An Army Of Sentient Bears, America Might Never Have Existed #ThingsFootballTaughtMe
One day in ye olde Boston faire
Some guys had a tea party there.
Then some bears mauled them… mean!
33 to 14
And yeah, the analogy ends there.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 