I feel sorry for the guy
Who invented the torture rack,
The iron maiden, the eyeball-scooper thing,
And other tools to make folks crack
Because all of his inventions
Were obsolete in 1723
When Pierre Fauchard came to town
And invented dentistry.
Tag Archives: Black Humor
I’m Sorry I Asked
“Why do you have a dog poop bag
“If you don’t have a dog?“
“I still have poop though, don’t I?“
-Conversations from my jog
Filed under Poems
How To Reduce Noise Pollution And Increase The Average IQ In America In One Morally-Grey Step
So folks are setting off fireworks
On the night of July 3rd
And at first, I’ll admit I was tempted
To flip such folks the bird.
In the spirit of peace and happiness
I instead propose humbly
To instead give them drugs and fireworks
In massive quantities.
Sure, this year the death toll
May be massive, but I say
It’s a way to purge the people
Who can’t wait just one more day.
Filed under Poems
Jesus Christ
Sure, they nailed me to a cross
And death was sort of ouchy
But that isn’t the real reason
That I’m feeling grouchy.
Instead, I’m sick of folks like you
Always shouting my name
When you stub your toe or, I don’t know,
Get mad at a video game.
Filed under Poems
Is This How Pokemon Started?
Tiger tiger, burning bright
In the zoo, so late at night.
Alas, it seems those corporate jerks
Failed to show how the extinguisher works.
Filed under Poems
Baptist Easter
Two-Thousand Twenty-Five years ago
Judas told Jesus “YOLO”
But Jesus, lacking any fear
Said “Judas, my brudda, holdeth my beer.”
Filed under Poems
Bille Nye The Science Guy 3, Starring Chris Rock
We’ve finally reached the place
Where Hollywood’s gotten so mid
Black actors are turning down starring roles
And bringing milk home for their kid.
Filed under Poems
Everyone Has Something To Share
If your life is a dumpster fire
Don’t think about aiming higher
But find a cold alley
And watch how you rally
The hobos, who your heat admire.
Filed under Poems
Check The Date
I like taxes. I like Feds.
I like cold and lumpy beds.
Yes, that muumuu’s very cute.
I double-checked your parachute.
Filed under Poems
Six Seasons And A Movie…
I’m not a huge fan of reality shows
But one that I think would impress
Is a battle-royale style contest between
All 535 folks in congress.
We’d give them katanas and send them away
To a place that’s devoid and bereft
And let them do anything they want to do
Until there’s just one of them left.
The final survivor gets to be president
And the senate and house get refilled
By neighbors and bosses and IRS workers
And anyone else we want killed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 