We sat down to play
The latest version of Clue,
Read through the rulebook
To check what was new,
Saw a new character
Named “Mr. Not-White”
And we shouted “Case closed”
And called it a night.
Tag Archives: Black Humor
[(e^ x pi)^2] x 32/8 Poems About Stephen Hawking
He inspired T-Pain’s voice
And Kristen Stewart’s face.
He inspired the customer service line
For JPMorgan Chase.
He’s inspired Chuck Norris’s costars
And how my face looks when I kiss.
He inspired Kaepernick’s anthem quote:
“I will not stand for this.”
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Stephen Hawking read a book
About how to improve his look.
A little rouge and some eyeliner…
He was a brief history of sublimer!
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If Stephen Hawking gained some weight
And higher mass increases gravitational pull
Would fat Stephen Hawking be more attractive?
(And you thought physics was dull)!
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Stephen Hawking lit himself on fire
To experience how burning feels.
He gained a greater understanding
And a new nickname: Hot Wheels
Filed under Poems
Sorry Fellow Libra…
When I was born the doctor said
“Your son may never speak.
“His tongue is all misshapen,
“His entire body weak.
My parents only smiled and laughed
As they rode home on the bus
Saying “At least that doctor
“Wasn’t talking to us!”
Filed under Poems
Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas
I got a letter from a woman:
“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.
I wrote back “That’s okay.
“I once f***ed a goat.”*
Believe it or not
She never wrote back.
It seems my sage wisdom
Got her self-esteem back on track!
*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.
Filed under Poems
Want Some Drink With Dose Fries?
The french-fried potatoes
That I bought from Wendy’s
Are covered in tattoos
And wear pants around their knees,
They complain about white privilege
And say “sup” instead of “hey.”
That’s when I remembered
That today is black fry day.
Jews In Mississippi
He showed us how to circumcise a redneck
In a way that none of us had done foresaw:
He found aforementioned redneck in his bedroom
Then kicked the redneck’s cousin in the jaw!
Filed under Poems
Tonight Both Actually Apply
Sometimes I love writing poems;
Of that there is no doubt.
But sometimes I’m like a single mom on welfare
Just tryin’ to crank another one out.
Filed under Poems
In Case You’d Forgotten
Back in the Western USA
In 1800 somethin’
A couple cowboys realized
Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.
The cowboys had been life long friends
And though they both were male
They rode to Brokeback Mountain
And they gave up on the trail.
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
We used to have some cowboys
To protect our town from raids,
But now we have to check
Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!
They use to be quick to the draw
But now they have more fun
With the sheathing than the drawing
Of their aforementioned gun!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
One cowboy found his saddle’s
Grown less comfortable with time. He
Found this was the case
Unless their romance they would stymie.
But the cowboys needed horses
Like they found they needed lasses
And they replaced their ponies
With one another’s (whoaaa!)
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!
Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!
Yodel
Oodle
Yodel
Adel
Odel
Soooooooo…
Doooooooo…
Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Poems So Dark They Probably Stole Your Bike
If a child can decide to be
A gender they weren’t born,
Can know their sexual preferences
Then, honestly, I’m torn…
I think that future pedophiles
In elementary school
Might worry about fitting in
(And I don’t mean being cool).
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I once dated a Japanese girl.
When we broke up I tried to be nice.
She didn’t understand the first time
So I had to drop the bomb twice.
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I asked a guy in a wheelchair
“Who’s your favorite actor.”
The guy replied “Christopher Reeve.”
He asked me “Who’s yours?”
I said “Christopher Walken,”
And then the guy asked me to leave.
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One more joke for this morning,
And this one’s as good as it gets:
Who are Iraq’s athletic heroes?
That would be the ’01 New York Jets.
Filed under Poems
New Data Indicates Many Catholics Don’t Enjoy Limericks
I think if I were a nun
I’d want to carry a gun
‘Cause I wouldn’t enjoy
Being mistook for a boy
When the priest says he wants to “have fun.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 