Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Explain in 500 words
Why you should chop off your penis.
Tag Archives: Cynical
No Fire Breath Required
Soon the dragons will come returning
And watch our nations burn and fall
And say, “My goodness, look at them go!
“Guess they didn’t need us after all.”
Filed under Poems
When Counting Your Blessings Doesn’t Work, Try Counting Your Absences
Everyone in the world
Should get a chihuahua
From the government, totally free
Because when they all die
We’ll all understand
How much better life is when dog-free.
Filed under Poems
Video Killed The Radio Star, But Older (Enhanced Interrogation Edition)
I feel sorry for the guy
Who invented the torture rack,
The iron maiden, the eyeball-scooper thing,
And other tools to make folks crack
Because all of his inventions
Were obsolete in 1723
When Pierre Fauchard came to town
And invented dentistry.
Filed under Poems
How To Reduce Noise Pollution And Increase The Average IQ In America In One Morally-Grey Step
So folks are setting off fireworks
On the night of July 3rd
And at first, I’ll admit I was tempted
To flip such folks the bird.
In the spirit of peace and happiness
I instead propose humbly
To instead give them drugs and fireworks
In massive quantities.
Sure, this year the death toll
May be massive, but I say
It’s a way to purge the people
Who can’t wait just one more day.
Filed under Poems
Where Do The Colonists Sign Up?
So when you die the tax man comes
To take of your estate
While you pay tax on a hospital bill,
Pine box, and granite slate,
Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.
You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars
Which is why I will die as an astronaut:
‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.
Filed under Poems
Diamonds Are Forever… Like Taxes
“Nothing gold can stay“
Is another way to say
If you’re male and not gay
You’re gonna have to pay.
Filed under Poems
I Can Call Him Black, But If He Says It Back That Misogy-tea
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m looking for a kettle six-foot or thereabout
Who makes a hefty salary, and when I shout
He wins me over and takes me out.
Filed under Poems
Feminism Did That
So babe, I heard you want a ring.
You need to know there’s just one thing…
You already have one in your nose
And that’s why thus your love life goes.
Filed under Poems
Ode To An English Major
In a dreary campus sat
Poor I, a poet, much perturbed
For I was realizing that
My odds of passing were disturbed.
Th’examination that I took
Was one on poetry, so I
Did not much study from my book
But sat the test, my brain still dry.
Yes, I could name poetic styles
Sonnet, Sestina, Villanelle.
I blacked out bubbles, full of smiles,
‘Til did important topics knell.
I can distinguish couplet forms
Iamb, Trochee, and Anapest.
Easily I fought these questions swarmed
But failed at what mattered best:
A final question on the page
The exam’s author failed to anoint
And my lack of answer caused me rage.
The question: “What’s the fucking point?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 