There once was a spider in my room
That met a most violent doom.
Other spiders said “Yahoo!
“Let’s all go there too!”
And that’s why my shotgun went boom.
Tag Archives: Death
Why Ghosts Are Angry
Greg had no reason to live anymore
So he bought a rope and locked the door
And made a new necklace he tied to the roof
And fell to his death without uttering “oof.”
He opened his eyes and he looked all around
And saw his cadaver and angrily frowned;
Yes, he succeeded in becoming dead
But now he’s a ghost, and immortal instead.
Worse, now the tourists come hither and yon
For signs of the ghost of Greg, who is gone.
He’ll wail and shriek and pray for some help
But the tourists just cheer and write “Five stars” on Yelp.
If its deserved or not, no one can tell
But Greg lives forever in introvert Hell.
Filed under Poems
Remembering Amy
It doesn’t feel like a weight
But absence of a lightness;
Hours of Summer all around
And still the day lacks brightness.
A patch of graying sunlight shines
Where once there sat a friend;
I smile at it with broken lips,
And think about her end.
Scratches on the furniture
Once hidden I reveal;
I empty out the litterbox
And her uneaten meal.
I stand beside her scratching post
Without the words to say
The thanks, the pain, the memories,
And so instead I pray.
It doesn’t feel like relief
When I can breathe once more;
It isn’t warm when sunlight gray
Turns orange just like before.
But as a friend who made me smile
Returns to dust again
Her spirit naps within me
As it always has. Amen.
Filed under Poems
Preservation of Mass
You were the light of their life,
A celestial body just for them,
But there were a billion stars
Brighter than you.
Your heart was a mountain,
Climbing to the sky,
But roads need gravel
And miners need jobs.
You were the wind and the water,
The rabbit and the fox,
The fish and the hook
And you fed them for a day.
Stars burn out,
Roads are passed by,
Winds stop blowing,
Foxes stop chasing,
And when its dark and still
And you forget what you were,
How you burned and grew
And bit and blew,
You’ll become a part of the world
You thought you were above;
A spark, a stone, a cell, a drop,
What you always were
And always did:
Matter.
Filed under Poems
So Many Despots Just Picked The Wrong Demographic…
If you want to have world peace
And have all wars be ended
All you need to do is kill
The folks who get offended
Because if no one ever
Is upset by what gets said
No one will think, “That’s mean
“And so let’s make that person dead.”
Instead the only people
Still alive can speak their mind
And no one says “Let’s murder them
“‘Cause they mocked my behind.”
We’d live in perfect harmony
In lands of dance and song,
And if such genocide offends you
Then I dare you: Prove me wrong.
Filed under Poems
Then I Gave Death the “Come Hither” Look…
Whenever death may lurk nearby
And threaten you with pain
Know that if the threat is true
You’ll never watch a debate again…
Filed under Poems
Even Imminent Death Has Standards
I like you
Like a hairdryer loves a bath,
Like an ax loves a tree,
Like GPAs love math,
Like Clintons love snitches,
Like Windows likes working,
But I still think it’s weird
Netflix likes children twerking.
Filed under Poems
Too Old
When I am too old to dream,
My mouth too old to smile,
I’ll place my hand upon the land
And feel the Earth a while.
Upon my skin, too loose to shape,
I’ll feel the critters crawl,
Relearning birth through mother Earth
And joy in being small.
I’ll feel the weeds begin to grow
O’er feet too slow to flee
And feel at peace as I release
What I mistook as me.
I’ll look upon my old abode
With eyes I’ve never known,
Then look on all that dared to crawl
And all that’s ever flown,
To use the sight I once ignored
Or else dismissed in haste
And understand ’twas not my hand
On which the insects paced,
‘Twas not my flesh I left behind,
‘Twas not my body gone,
But merely tools to comfort fools
Before their moving on.
When I am both too old to dream
And old enough to go
I’ll make my lair in everywhere
Until you say hello.
Filed under Poems
Watch Yourself
Please keep the word mum
‘Cause I did something dumb:
I ordered a clock.
Now at my door, a knock!
I fear my time has come…
Filed under Poems
Immortality, Step One
I flirted with death
When I ran a red light.
Death tweeted #Metoo
‘Cause I’m male and white.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 