One camera.
Two fools.
Three hours of editing.
Zero rules.
Nine minutes
About a cruise.
Two hours later
Seven views.
Tag Archives: Fame
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
You Get Equality! And You Get Equality! Everybody Gets Equality!
A growing social concern
That, to us, recently came
And affects the common person
Is Inequality of Fame.
Some folks are very famous
And some people are not
And it’s patently unfair
And it ain’t how it ought.
I suggest a policy
Wherein all people must
Create a social profile
With a media giant we trust
And exactly one trillion people
And never more or less
Must follow every profile
So society won’t regress.
If everybody’s famous
We’ll have perfect mental health.
Then maybe a trillion dollar minimum wage
Can do the same for wealth!
Update: It’s come to this poet’s attention that white, heterosexual, natal-males still exist, so this probably won’t happen for a while.
Filed under Poems
What A Blessing To Be No One
Somebody is hurting now,
Hungry and alone.
Somebody is lonely
And addicted to a phone.
Somebody is nervous
Thinking they may be too small.
Somebody feels nothing
‘Cause they just don’t care at all.
Somebody is angry
At the world for being there.
Somebody is drowning,
Wanting nothing more than air.
Somebody’s forgotten
How to laugh and sing and dance.
Meanwhile, I am nobody
And grateful for the chance.
Filed under Poems
So Basically Tide Pods, Right?
If you’ve always dreamed of fame
But the dream never came to fruition
I have a helpful tidbit
From yours truly’s intuition:
Drink a bunch of chemicals
Then pretend you have the flu
And with any luck some doctor
Will name a condition after you!
Filed under Poems
The Agonies And TheEcstasies Of Being An Extremely Niche Web Celebrity
Nickelback called me
To let me know
They wrote a song
Inspired by my life.
Part of me feels
Honored by their intention,
But I’ll never listen to the song
Which should save me some strife.
Filed under Poems
The Red Shirt Tells All
I graduated first in my class
From the Juilliard theater school.
I auditioned for a sci-fi show
I thought looked pretty cool.
I showed up at the studio
At 6:15 AM
To help film the now-beloved
Sci-fi classic show for them.
I went to see the costume folks.
The gave me scarlet shirts,
And asked me “are you wearing
Something where, if you fall, it hurts?”
With my adamant denial
They sent me to the stage
Where I memorized my script
Which totalled almost half a page.
The crew was very friendly.
The set was very cheep.
They had a token black girl
And the captain was a creep.
I asked about my character.
“What is his last name?”
They said “he doesn’t have one.”
Such was my first taste of fame.
To this day I look back and smile
When I watch that episode
Where 1:17 into it
A monster roars and I explode.
It was my only great achievement,
And I cannot tell a lie
But at least my job stability
Trumped that of Firefly.
Filed under Poems
True Love? Oh Baby!
I saw her in a Pampers ad
During some mindless family show.
I’d not ’til then fallen in love
But that’s the way things go.
I loved the sunshine in her hair,
The drool upon her chin,
The way the super-absorbency
Accented her alabaster skin.
I called the network, desperately
Seeking to find her name
But I couldn’t connect with anyone.
My only other option? Fame!
I scored a role in a ketchup ad,
Then became a multi-roler
When I starred as the kid who modeled
The Cadillac B-90 Stroller.
I was the hottest babe in Hollywood,
Beloved for being small,
Yet still I’d not connected with her
For whom I’d done it all.
And so my heart goes on and on,
Never to bestill.
I pray I’ll play beside her,
The Jack unto her Jill.
Until that fateful future day
I spend my nights alone,
Just me and my beloved
Via Youtube on my phone.
Filed under Poems
Wet on Earth?
My garden was wilting
Despite all my silting.
I fert’lized my petunias
The best I was able.
But they still needed water
As the weather got hotter,
And I needed the water
For my guests at the table.
I promised my flowers
The sky would bring showers,
But the weather betrayed me,
And rain it did not.
So I knelt o’er my buds
And sobbed, making muds.
I never expected
That on film this was caught.
I next day I found
In HD and with sound
That my gardening venture
Had three million hits.
I became very wealthy
And my flowers got healthy
‘Cause now I bought water
And new fertilizing shits.
And when I am dead
With dirt o’er my head
And people shed tears
On top of my grave,
I hope they play that vid
Of when I was a kid
And could not work a hose.
Then they’d have a rave.
Filed under Poems
Nine Million Americans
I won’t lie…
I’m famous
For something really neat.
I posted “first”
On a youtube vid
And now my life’s complete.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 