So babe, I heard you want a ring.
You need to know there’s just one thing…
You already have one in your nose
And that’s why thus your love life goes.
Tag Archives: Feminism
Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving
You know how the female fantasy
Used to be being held in a tower
Until a brave prince came a calling,
Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?
Well, now the female fantasy
Is to be the brave dragon who can
And wondering why the princes won’t die
To save damsels who don’t need a man.
Filed under Poems
She-Hulk, Attorney At Law
What if we made a TV show
For people who love manly heroes
That starred a green, feminist lawyer
And had a budget with multiple zeroes
Who lectures the characters we know and love
And faces no relevant threats?
Oh, and let’s call our core audience ‘bigots’
And see how many millions it nets!
Filed under Poems
Just Another Way Men Are Casually Oppressed
All the women who play video games
And complain about bikini armor
Never seem to complain about how
Swords and arrows never harm her,
But men are stuck with heavy armor
Instead of a chainmail thong
Because if men could wear female armor
They’d be unbelievably strong.
Filed under Poems
‘Cause Female Equality, Am I Right? (Plus We Get To See Tom Cruise In A Bikini)
Just once I want to see a film
Where a short male action star
Beats up a bunch of amazons
And never gets a scar,
Pummeling the female goons
With his 5th percentile fists
But we’ll never see that movie
‘Cause sexism exists.
Filed under Poems
Also Starring: Ikea Furniture, Bad Decisions, Musclebound Shirtless Guys Who Talk About Feelings… Waaaaiiiiiit…
If they rebooted “Fight Club“
With an all-female cast
It would feature Taylor Durden
Remembering her past
When she and thousands of women
From different means and ends
Got together in a basement
And pretended to be friends
Until at last they’d had enough
And used some dynamite
To blow up buildings, and then were like
“Becky’s so cringe, right?”
Filed under Poems
And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”
I think the biggest reason
Why the term “minion” exists
Is because all the female henchmen
Continually insist
That “henchman” is a sexist term
And they should be called “henchperson”
And the trust relationship
With their villain starts to worsen.
To avoid such conflicts
The term “minion” is used instead…
Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”
And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”
Filed under Poems
A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated
The average guy is a virgin.
The average girl is a hoe.
You can get a college degree
To combat toxic masculinity…
How’d we get here? I don’t know.
Filed under Poems
Why The Unicorns Left
She grew up in the forest
And learned to talk to trees
By singing with the birds of prey
And dancing with the bees.
She trained to be a hunter
From the day that she was born.
She dreamt she’d be the first to find
The mythic unicorn.
She found black stallions, powerful,
And pegasus in white,
Beasts that pulled the wagon far
And those who bore a knight.
She found horses of the sea
And horses tame and wild,
And yesterday her dream came true
And found it bright and mild:
The unicorn! Resplendent
In shades of gold and blue,
With a horn that shone like rainbows
And eyes of emerald hue.
She gazed upon the creature
And stroked its noble head
Then noticed it was unemployed
And rode a mule instead.
Filed under Poems
We Won… But At What Cost?
The “New World Order” people
And Illuminati really
Missed the point; That making people
Into sheep is kinda silly.
After all, who wants to conquer
A bunch of people dumb enough
To fall for propaganda
As insane as modern stuff?
The Vikings and the Mongols
Had at least old-fashioned pride,
And made sure that their detractors
Fought in wars and mostly died.
But today, old-fashioned values
Like rape and pillage have degraded
To where “rape” means being male
And “pillage” means “medicated.”
And so if all the people
That conspiracies suggest
Cancel all the good among us
And then rule o’er all the rest
I wish them much good fortune
When their conquest is complete.
They’ll starve in perfect harmony
While the cancelled grill their meat.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 