Who drove by a lemonade stand
And thought about it later
And decided, instead of lemons,
The -ade would be better with gators?
Tag Archives: food
Maybe It Tasted Good A Few Years Ago?
I want a sandwich
With clams, beets, and garlic
Sprinkled with liver and thyme
Topped with two scoops
Of pistachio ice cream
And the zest of a two-week-old lime
All smeared on a loaf
Of gluten-free flatbread
Served on a hard rubber plate.
You get it when you order
A nice BLT.
I call it “The Internet Date.”
Filed under Poems
That Wasn’t Chicken…
My eyes were purple lightning
And lips were platinum knives.
My heart beat with a vigor
Like when rappers beat their wives.
I squeezed my hands like oranges
As my skin began to burn
And I knew to that Panda Express
I would not return.
Filed under Poems
What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”
Lemon flavored water,
Lemon cheesecake and desserts,
Lemon flavored pepper
Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.
The only lemon item
That people don’t enjoy
Are actual plain ol’ lemons.
(Also maybe lemon bok choy).
Filed under Poems
Dating Asian Women?
My girlfriend left me yesterday,
Just took her stuff and went,
Yet left behind a little gift
For her now former-gent.
She left a bottle of soy sauce,
My sorrows for to drown.
She just could not resist the urge
To Kikkoman when he’s down.
The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?
I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.
I love the way you smell.
Some say you’re just a piece of meat
But you’re more… I can tell.
Your buns are round and toasty
And inside you’re tangy sweet
And if I had a bit more money
Then our meeting’d be my treat!
Filed under Poems
Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)
Some Americans on food stamps
Are demanding food for pets,
‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”
I say cut the stamps
And let Lady eat the tramps…
Save money and kill two birds with one stone!
Filed under Poems
Vegans, You’re *Almost* Right
Pigs are perfect!
That’s what I think.
They’re smart and they’re fat
And they’re pretty in pink.
They’re as faithful as dogs.
They’re unable to hate.
There’s no animal better
To have on my plate.
Filed under Poems
American Cuisine And Its Correlation To GDP
They said in school that GDP
(Or Gross Domestic Product)
Was a measure of economic power.
But this makes more sense to me
(For Gross Domestic Product).
Please excuse me as I go take a shower.
Filed under Poems
Your Chance To Lose Money Is Finally Here! (Hi Clive)
You could put your money on the Cleveland Browns
For Super Bowl Any-time-in-the-future,
But that wouldn’t help anyone,
Let alone this poetic moocher.
Instead I’ve got a different way
To part ways with your cash
Which is by going to my Patreon
And putting it in my stash.
To those of you whose common sense
Says “but money is important”
And the thought of spending it seems, to you,
A little bit abhorrent
I’d point out that your cash will go
To helping me survive.
Nothing’s really better than supporting the arts
Except, perhaps, being named “Clive.”
But since my name is David
And your name’s probably not Clive either
Hop on over to Patreon
Like you’re an eager beaver.
If you don’t pay, the poems won’t stop;
You’ll still get these Travesties daily.
The only difference is, to get my food,
I won’t have to resort to a gladiatorial melee.
(Which is good because I’m skinny and bruise easily).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 