If birds ate at restaurants
I imagine KFC
Would be a lot more popular.
The reason might just be
That folks would eat at restaurants
Where birds would frequent less.
You might think that’s racist
But that’s my fairest guess.
Tag Archives: food
Hint: Probably Someone In Florida
Who drove by a lemonade stand
And thought about it later
And decided, instead of lemons,
The -ade would be better with gators?
Filed under Poems
Maybe It Tasted Good A Few Years Ago?
I want a sandwich
With clams, beets, and garlic
Sprinkled with liver and thyme
Topped with two scoops
Of pistachio ice cream
And the zest of a two-week-old lime
All smeared on a loaf
Of gluten-free flatbread
Served on a hard rubber plate.
You get it when you order
A nice BLT.
I call it “The Internet Date.”
Filed under Poems
That Wasn’t Chicken…
My eyes were purple lightning
And lips were platinum knives.
My heart beat with a vigor
Like when rappers beat their wives.
I squeezed my hands like oranges
As my skin began to burn
And I knew to that Panda Express
I would not return.
Filed under Poems
What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”
Lemon flavored water,
Lemon cheesecake and desserts,
Lemon flavored pepper
Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.
The only lemon item
That people don’t enjoy
Are actual plain ol’ lemons.
(Also maybe lemon bok choy).
Filed under Poems
Dating Asian Women?
My girlfriend left me yesterday,
Just took her stuff and went,
Yet left behind a little gift
For her now former-gent.
She left a bottle of soy sauce,
My sorrows for to drown.
She just could not resist the urge
To Kikkoman when he’s down.
The Hamburger… What Were You Thinking Of?
I’ve seen your pictures everywhere.
I love the way you smell.
Some say you’re just a piece of meat
But you’re more… I can tell.
Your buns are round and toasty
And inside you’re tangy sweet
And if I had a bit more money
Then our meeting’d be my treat!
Filed under Poems
Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)
Some Americans on food stamps
Are demanding food for pets,
‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”
I say cut the stamps
And let Lady eat the tramps…
Save money and kill two birds with one stone!
Filed under Poems
Vegans, You’re *Almost* Right
Pigs are perfect!
That’s what I think.
They’re smart and they’re fat
And they’re pretty in pink.
They’re as faithful as dogs.
They’re unable to hate.
There’s no animal better
To have on my plate.
Filed under Poems
American Cuisine And Its Correlation To GDP
They said in school that GDP
(Or Gross Domestic Product)
Was a measure of economic power.
But this makes more sense to me
(For Gross Domestic Product).
Please excuse me as I go take a shower.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 