Sure, they nailed me to a cross
And death was sort of ouchy
But that isn’t the real reason
That I’m feeling grouchy.
Instead, I’m sick of folks like you
Always shouting my name
When you stub your toe or, I don’t know,
Get mad at a video game.
Tag Archives: Frustration
Volume Also Increases In Proportion To Said Dumbness
The dumbness of a given thing
Is strongly correlated
With how late I am this morning
And how closely we’re related.
Filed under Poems
I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…
Portable DVD player
Why are you useless?
You should make life easier
But instead cause us stress.
I wish I could shoot you
In the face with a gun
But you don’t even have a face…
Another reason you’re no fun.
I’m writing this ode to you
As a professional IT person
Tries to make you work at all
Yet the situation does still worsen.
You are naughty, bad, and stupid
And a big mean jerk
But I’d rescind those judgements
If you’d just freakin’ work.
A part of me is fearful now
This poem will not end
Because you are our tech enemy
And not our entertainment friend.
Don’t you see the pain you’re causing
Readers of this blog?
All this to watch a DVD…
What a somber slog.
I would skip ahead in time
To tell you how this ends
But if we made a graph of progress
And analyzed the line of trends
I think the universe would end
In heat death before long
So just sing this poem over and over
Like the 99 bottles of beer song.
Filed under Poems
X-1 Teachers
If two trains depart at identical hours
Traveling towards one another
On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks
For the opposite engineer’s mother
When first they pass one another
At speeds varying by a factor of 5
How long will it take before students
Make their teacher no longer alive?
Filed under Poems
A Little-Known Side Benefit Of Stairs
Somewhere between the lobby
And my destination floor
The elevator chose
Not to move up anymore.
Perhaps the lift malfunctioned
When the console met my fists
But hey, no more classic rock
With jazzy little twists!
Filed under Poems
Shouldn’t We Be Celebrating Veteran’s Day By Now?
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A holiday that lasted less than two months
That I didn’t have to hear or see.
Filed under Poems
Love In The Time Of #YesAllWomen
He offers a sideways glance.
She says “I have a boyfriend.”
Because of the the few, so many
Potential friendships this way end.
Filed under Poems
A Good Year… So Far
I’ve exercised every day so far!
I’ve been a better lay so far!
I’ve eaten healthy food so far!
I haven’t even been rude so far!
I’ve been cheerful, smart, and nice so far,
And only been driven to kill some jerk who’s not as fit, healthy, sexy, and friendly as me twice…
So far.
Filed under Poems
The Jigsaw Puzzle
We found the corners.
We built the edge.
We stuck some ins to some outs,
Then we jumped off a ledge.
Filed under Poems
Before Showers
Tepid waters of my bath
Invoke in me a primal wrath,
But as I move to strike them down
I’m shown to be a simple clown,
For where I strike, the water bends.
This is where my childhood ends,
For no more baths shall I take.
Instead, I go swimming in a lake.
The Daily Travesty 