Today it rained in the morning,
From dawn ‘til the sunset was yella’
And I saw the craziest out-of-town guy
Who for some reason had an umbrella!
Tag Archives: Humor
Why Teaching Young Children How To Clean Their Noses Contributes To The Global Crime Epidemic
My nose was all sniffly;
‘Twas spring in the air.
Faster than you say “piffly”
My Kleenex weren’t there.
I went to the store
To pick up some tissue
But they had no more
And THAT was an issue.
So I grabbed my gun
And went off a raidin’
Until my nose’s run
Could be finished abatin’.
I knocked on a door
And they opened it. Fools!
I shrieked “Get on the floor!”
And I searched through their tools…
Screwdrivers, flashlight,
And nails to pound
But try as I might
There were no Kleenex found.
The cops were approaching
I could hear their siren
And I was encroaching
And expect they’d be firin’
So I took the out…
The only one I had:
I scrunched up my snout
And sniffed like my dad.
That day as the bullets
Riddled my body
I learned snot down the gullet
Is what cops think is naughty.
This family-friendly poem was inspired by my beautiful girlfriend and her nose. Blame her, not me.
Filed under Poems
You Kinda Have To Read This Aloud…
Some art is low, and some is high;
You can judge which this one is:.
There was a smart guy
And this story is his:
He was a smart fellow
And he felt smart
But that isn’t yet the funny part…
See two smart fellows,
They felt smart
And that is just the very start.
Repeat with three, then four smart fellows
‘Til your enunciation mellows
And then… perhaps we’ll see, who knows…
A reason smart fellows can crinkle their nose.
Filed under Poems
My Evening Routine
I’m writing this poem
As I’m brushing my teeth,
Hunting down food bits
All hidden beneath
The sharp, off-white bone spurs
That jut from my gum.
My teeth are all clean now
But my rhymes are still dumb.
Filed under Poems
A Midlife Crisis At Any Age
I bought a ‘57 Chevy
(Or what’s left of it, at least)
And I fixed it up so I
Could be a sexy beast.
I cruised it up and down the block
To pick up saucy chicks.
Alas, my ‘57 Chevy
Doesn’t hide that I’m 86.
Filed under Poems
It’s Not Lucifer, But…
My neighbor’s kids are Michael,
Esther, Hannah, Ruth, and Paul
And they don’t think that Bible names
Are old-fashioned at all.
My other neighbor’s children
Are Meshack and Hezekiah
And for some reason no one thought
To even ask them why-uh.
But I follow suit and give
My kid a name of that kind…
But when I called him “Nimrod”
Everybody lost their mind.
Filed under Poems
Ooh… And Throw In A Twist Villain And Random One-Liners Whenever The MANY Main Characters Die But Then Come Back To Life Because Time Travel
There once was a film from the past
And people said it was a blast;
Then Hollywood said
“What if instead
“It had an (insert group here) cast?”
Filed under Poems
Win-Win(chester)
If everybody had a gun
The world would be a lot of fun
And if everyone died ‘cause I was wrong
No one would complain this poem ain’t long.
Filed under Poems
Eight Lines In Two Minutes… I’m Inspired 🥰
Tonight I was abducted
By a girl with rosy hair
And forced into abiding love
Of depth both fine and rare.
She’s brushing her teeth now
And I’m trying to write this fast.
(This wasn’t my first “my girl’s here” poem
And it surely won’t be my last).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 