Wicked kitty cat…
You bite me and make me bleed!
Wanna snuggle now?
Tag Archives: Humor
When Your Wife Meets The Minotaur And Has To Give Birth In An Echoey Cave
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
Little lamb…
Mary had a little lamb
And the obstetrician fainted
Fainted
Fainted…
Filed under Poems
Based On My Real Evening
I watched a movie on TV
About an animated queen.
It had more lotion ads
Than I’ve ever seen.
Also, insurance,
Restaurants, and cars…
Apparently peasants
Need moist skin to be stars?
And so as the princess
And sidekicks sang ballads
I dreamt good healthcare
And never-ending salads.
Then plot twist! Men are evil
And love cures all pain.
I’m grateful for friendship
Brought to you by Gain!
Filed under Poems
Realistic Goals
Tomorrow’s the day I’ll do everything
And be the best version of me.
I’ll accomplish my dreams and be happy
And authentically awesome to see.
I’ll shoot for the moon and I’ll hit it!
I’ll inspire the brave and the true!
But today I’ve reserved to be average
And embody “I’m fine, how are you”.
Filed under Poems
On Nursing And Duty
Roses are red
My fiancée is achey
So I have an excuse
If this poem seems flakey.
Filed under Poems
See? This Is Why All We See Are Stupid Moths!
The monarch butterfly revealed
It’s gold and ebony splendor,
The ruler with antennas fair
And wings both strong and tender.
Alas, his reign was shortened
When he came upon a boy
Who thought his wings were pretty
And he’d make a worthy toy.
The boy absconded with the bug
Who ruled the butterflies
And in a box of colorful corpses
Does now his body lie.
So I decry the practice
Of collecting bugs and lobby
That only spiders be collected
By those who hold this hobby.
Filed under Poems
The D&D Flowchart
If at first you don’t succeed
You may find wit is what you need;
If your wit should fail, then try
To punch your foe into the sky;
If the sky is far or your muscles weak
With silver tongue you next must speak;
And should you speak as does this poet
Conjure a fireball and throw it.
Filed under Poems
Bill Jigger Gets Rejected From MIT
Bill Nye became a science guy
Because he rhymed his name
But my parents still won’t tell me why
I cannot do the same…
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines
In every Pokemon game
The story is the same.
In Zelda, the main canon
Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.
So if you say that Russia
Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya
‘Cause if anybody can
I’d guess the culprit is Japan.
Filed under Poems
It’s Never Easy In Seattle
The Seahawks today were a flyin’
When they beat a Michigan Lion:
With three turnovers, ‘twas prominent
How they were utterly dominant
And so barely squeaked out a win.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 