There is a bridge entangled
In the jungle of our life
That spans a tiny river
That’s no wider than a knife.
On one side of the river
Is the Friday Party deep
But with me on the other shore
It’s shallow and we sleep.
In every life there comes a day
When you’ll cross unto my bank
And when you do you won’t cross back
And you’ll have age to thank.
Filed under Poems
When you hear a baby crying
And you’ve grown into the age
When you cannot cry in public
It might trigger you to rage
Or declare your thoughts to others
As a well-read baby sage.
The baby, though, is wiser
For it knows the cause of tears:
Every pain is fresh and novel
For its endless early years
And it hasn’t lived to learn yet
To explain away its fears.
When an older person weeps
Knowing well you’ll criticize
Why not pause to beg the question
That’s behind their flowing eyes?
Is it too a swift discomfort
Or perhaps a cruel disguise?
Or perhaps you’re seeing someone
Who, for years, has worn their masks
While they smiled sans seratonin
And pursued their daily tasks.
They have answers for the weeping
But they cry since no one asks.
There once was a bed with a pillow
Then a wife did enter the room
And thus my one-pillow system
Began to sense its doom.
First came two big long pillows
That stretched across the bed
And did everything a pillow should
Except help rest your head.
Then came two fluffy square ones
That aren’t the same color or size
Because apparently symmetry
Is not good for a female’s eyes.
Then came that little round novelty
With a pic of my mother-in-law
And now I don’t sleep with a pillow at all,
Put my head on mattress all raw.
Filed under Poems
A poet once went on a break
Which turned out to be a mistake
‘Cause he hurried to finish
His limerick, diminish
Ing his perfect lyrical break.
Filed under Poems
Irritating, aggravating,
Enervating, asinine,
Childish, boorish, makes-me-snore-ish,
Meaningless but mostly fine,
Stupid, senseless, mauve, relentless,
Bleaker than “Old Yeller”,
And somehow amidst these reviews
A New York Times Bestseller…
Filed under Poems
You look so comfy on the couch
Quietly reading your book.
Why don’t we turn on the TV
And then leave you alone in your nook
And if you attempt to turn off the show
We’re not watching, we’ll come back and say
“Turn that back on”, then proceed to tell you
All the bad stuff we thought of today.
Filed under Poems
Hot tub in the snow
Warm and cozy, loving life
Whatcha mean, “Get out”?
Filed under Poems
The government is playing Yahtzee
Except instead of rolling dice
They get to place the dice face-up
However they think is nice.
Meanwhile, they make us roll our dice
And tell them what we rolled
Even though they already watched us
And take half our score ‘til we fold.
Playing Yahtzee with the government
Is not a whole lot of fun
So that’s why I want to go live in the woods
With my wife, my dog, and my gun.
So you know when you’re in public
And you kinda need to poop
So you go into the restroom
And kinda do a stoop
And pray that all the excrement
That needs to leave your bum
Will flow into the toilet
Before your knees get numb?
You wait and wait for seven years
(The watch would say 1 minute)
‘Til you let loose a bunny turd
And you say, “That’s good, innit?”
And then you do the little walk
Back to the restaurant table
And though you still have to poop
You also want to seem mentally stable?
Filed under Poems
My parents said that trading card games
Weren’t good for my education
But as I grow advanced in age
I deny that proclamation
Because working for days on a perfect deck
And bringing it to play with strangers
Only to get wiped out by $1,000 carboard
Is a lesson in capitalist dangers.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 