There once was a bass who played bass
Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”
His leader then lead
Him to read what he read
But he wound up wounding his face.
Tag Archives: Misunderstanding
Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)
Filed under Poems
Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…
I needed some lubrication
(Not for that, you dirty cad!)
So I went to the supermarket
To see what types they had.
They had oil made from olives,
Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,
And ingredients I can’t pronounce
Even if I tried for hours.
But then I saw a product
That set my blood a boil:
Somebody was selling there
A jar of baby oil!
Filed under Poems
Three Poems On The Mysteries Of Love
If I had a pickle
For every time you smile
I’d be decorating sandwiches
For a sufficient while.
—————————————————————
As the birds sing in the morning
And the bugs crawl in the night
So too doth my heart yearneth
When you say “Meh, you’re alright…”
—————————————————————
I picked the petals from the flower:
“She loves me, she loves me not…”
But I misread the directions
Turns out it was flour I bought.
As I sift through every grain
I frown and then I smile.
I’m getting a great workout
But the results will take a while.
Filed under Poems
Shocking, But More Power To Him, Even Though He Misspelled It (Inspired By Current Events)
My buddy made a statement
That I didn’t really hear
So I looked at him and asked
“Volt times ampere?”
Apparently that wasn’t
The response for which he’d planned,
Thus he retorted “What?”
And I said “I’m shocked you understand!”
Filed under Poems
A Serving Is What You Eat On One Sitting, Right?
I used to wonder why grocery stores
Wrote the word “Oreos” on the box
When they only pack one serving.
Also, why’ve I outgrown my socks?
Filed under Poems
Next You’ll Tell Me Hot Sauce Bottles Breathe Fire…
Sometimes I wish
That I were a fish,
But then I think
“What if I sink?”
Just then my daughter
Said “Fish can breathe water.”
I said “You wish!
“Fish can just holds fish.”
Filed under Poems
Pimento Control Now!
He was black, surrounded by brothers,
Unarmed and defenseless
When a white man came by
To perform something senseless:
The poor black was gutted
And served on a platter
With mediterranean food.
#BlackOlivesMatter
Filed under Poems
Prelude to Sporking, If Ya Know What I Mean…
I’m not the kind to boast too much
But I attract those of feminine form.
I now propose a toast to such
In the hope such becomes the new norm.
There’ve been times in my past when companions are sparse,
Even times when there haven’t been any
But if one commits some subtle financial farce
A billfold makes none into many.
Never before have I seen such excitement
Or felt less akin to a dunce
When they paid for my patented eating utensil
Which is fork and spoon both, but at once!
Thus is my secret to wooing the broads.
Whoever would even have thought
That inventing the spork would improve my odds
Of females considering me hot?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 