Tag Archives: Names

Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

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Questionable Pickup Line #473

If you see a girl you like

And say to her “my name is Mike”

Then it’d be a real shame

If that weren’t your real name.

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I Am The Paladin Of Unpopular Opinions: Hear Me Speak Semi-Audibly 

I hate to say, but modern times

Have brought to bear such modern crimes

As the thought that changing what we call bad things

Will make them fly away on silver wings.

Amidst PC culture’s genital diminution  

I seek to find an ancient solution

Because I doubt folks in Pompeii

Said “That eruption’s a hot social event for the end of your day!”

Some say the truth will set you free,

That the ultimate good is reality.

I like to think those things are true,

But no one told the local SJW.

So I’ll just be honest on this, my blog

To cut through society’s “minimally exceptional” fog.

And if you get offended by hearing what’s true

I bet there’s a polite alternative name out there for you.

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North and Whyknown’uh Approve

Parents these days think names

Are unique if spelled a different way.

Alas we end up asking

“How do you spell William with a K?”

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The Water-Carrier’s Son

If your life is a “1” out right now

When you’re dead it might be a “10,”

Like the ancient Greek guy, Thermos,

Who’s laughing his ass to death again.

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Akin to Areas Without Allstate Coverage

I once sold tires for Goodyear

But my sales hit a kink.

We had a bad year at Goodyear.

Now I don’t know what to think.

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Wildflengths

A rose by other names

Smells the same.

But poems would be lame

If flowers had a different name.

There would not be “flower power”

But instead “flength strength.”

I might pick a dozen gwazzles

Or a bouquet of mength.

I think you get the point,

And I’m running out of time.

This poem wasn’t flengthy

And very easy to rhyme.

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The Ballad of Meriwether

I don’t think Lewis and Clark

Were friends, like historians claim.

I think Clark forced Lewis to come

By threatening to reveal his first name.

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License Renewal Time

I legally changed my name

To hhdgicdtkifddhutee,

Just to screw with the guys

Working at the DMV.

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Stay Tuned

It would be great to write a poem

About someone named “Heigl.”

What other name can be pronounced

To rhyme with Beagle and Bagel?

But all the Heigls that I know

Do not like dogs or bread,

So I’ll settle for “Smythe,” and rhyme

With Myth and Lithe instead.

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