Everyone compares me to Godzilla,
Which is weird because she’s ugly and I’m cute.
She’s a monster, but I’m an ordinary teenager.
Guess that’s what happens when your name is “Satanewt.”
Tag Archives: Names
Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)
I want to talk about the months
And where their names came from.
Please know all of these are true
Even if they sound dumb.
Jan and Ferb Uary
Were brothers who shared a belle.
Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name
But it all ended up pretty well.
March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.
April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.
May is a grammatically better version of “can.”
June’s the month that nobody liked.
July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb
And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.
August was named by a Texan who
In his accent said the words “I guessed.”
September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.
October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.
Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers
But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.
I hope you feel more knowledgable
About months, but you probably don’t.
I hope you share this with your friends
But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.
Filed under Poems
Questionable Pickup Line #473
If you see a girl you like
And say to her “my name is Mike”
Then it’d be a real shame
If that weren’t your real name.
Filed under Poems
I Am The Paladin Of Unpopular Opinions: Hear Me Speak Semi-Audibly
I hate to say, but modern times
Have brought to bear such modern crimes
As the thought that changing what we call bad things
Will make them fly away on silver wings.
Amidst PC culture’s genital diminution
I seek to find an ancient solution
Because I doubt folks in Pompeii
Said “That eruption’s a hot social event for the end of your day!”
Some say the truth will set you free,
That the ultimate good is reality.
I like to think those things are true,
But no one told the local SJW.
So I’ll just be honest on this, my blog
To cut through society’s “minimally exceptional” fog.
And if you get offended by hearing what’s true
I bet there’s a polite alternative name out there for you.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
North and Whyknown’uh Approve
Parents these days think names
Are unique if spelled a different way.
Alas we end up asking
“How do you spell William with a K?”
Filed under Poems
The Water-Carrier’s Son
If your life is a “1” out right now
When you’re dead it might be a “10,”
Like the ancient Greek guy, Thermos,
Who’s laughing his ass to death again.
Filed under Poems
Akin to Areas Without Allstate Coverage
I once sold tires for Goodyear
But my sales hit a kink.
We had a bad year at Goodyear.
Now I don’t know what to think.
Filed under Poems
Wildflengths
A rose by other names
Smells the same.
But poems would be lame
If flowers had a different name.
There would not be “flower power”
But instead “flength strength.”
I might pick a dozen gwazzles
Or a bouquet of mength.
I think you get the point,
And I’m running out of time.
This poem wasn’t flengthy
And very easy to rhyme.
The Ballad of Meriwether
I don’t think Lewis and Clark
Were friends, like historians claim.
I think Clark forced Lewis to come
By threatening to reveal his first name.
Filed under Poems
License Renewal Time
I legally changed my name
To hhdgicdtkifddhutee,
Just to screw with the guys
Working at the DMV.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 