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Tag Archives: poems
Kids These Days…
My parents were trees;
I’m a cone that you step on
To make crackle sounds.
Filed under Poems
Secretary Of War
At the Battle of Thermopylae
480 BC
299 Spartans
Marched to meet Xerxes.
Meanwhile, Jeffichus the imprecise
Was tasked with taking the minutes
Instead of marching into war
‘Cause it’s close enough to 300, innit?
Filed under Poems
Line. Breaks. Matter.
As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Filed under Poems
Health Class Paid Off
Body builder said
“Feel my upper back”, but I
Knew it was a trap.
Filed under Poems
Dream Jobs
The zookeeper likes animals
But ends up shoveling poo.
The librarian likes books
But tells the homeless people “shoo”.
The teacher wants to help kids
But the principal says no.
The customer service rep
Ran out of dreams three shifts ago.
Meanwhile, in my living room
I turn my camera off on Zoom
And watch Youtube while bosses talk
Of how to raise the price of stock.
Filed under Poems
The Old Greats Are Always Surpassed By Modern Marvels
Frankenstein reflects
That his monster has nothing
On the kid you made.
Filed under Poems
High School Science, 2025
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Explain in 500 words
Why you should chop off your penis.
Filed under Poems
Gun Control Logic Be Like…
There once was a gal in a chair
Who got stabbed while she sat there.
We then rightly deduced
Murders can be reduced
By banning all sitting. Sound fair?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 