I looked at her chest
And she called me rude
Though she walked down the street
Ninety-eight percent nude.
Yes, she was a burglar
But she had a vag
So I saved myself trouble
And turned in my badge.
I wanted to uphold
The laws of the land
But somewhere the culture
Got quite out of hand.
Had I filmed the occasion
‘Twould be legal, but hey!
Now I play “Call Of Duty”
And tell folks I’m gay.
Filed under Poems
What if the Earth
Is God’s kitchen fridge,
Cold for millions of years
Until, recently,
God opened it up
To get out some divine beers.
The Earth got all warm
From the Heaven outside
Until, once again, the doors close
That or it’s just
What science is saying…
What I’m trying to say is: Who knows?
Filed under Poems
A dinosaur wished upon a star:
“I wish the pain would stop!”
The star pulled out its Glock and said
“You’re lucky I’m a cop.”
Filed under Poems
As we wander, wounded,
Through the world of time and space
We can lie horizontally
With a pillow in our face
And reset the weary burdens
We have gained throughout the day,
Except whenever I try to do so
My brain wakes up to play…
Filed under Poems
I like to think of weird jokes
So I wrote one and hid it.
It’s not a “Yomama” joke
‘Cause then everyone would get it!
Filed under Poems
There was a bomb on main street
Set to blow at 5:08
I pulled up at 5:14
Because the traffic made me late.
I had only seconds left
Before the bomb blew me away
An hour later ’twas defused
And I, the hero, saved the day!
Filed under Poems
I haven’t been touched like that for a while,
Long enough to forget the taste of a smile,
‘Cause who needs love when you’re in denial anyway?
I couldn’t tell you about my best friend,
Haven’t written letters that I want to send.
What good are people when the world is ending anyway?
Even though I know I lived through the past
I can’t remember when I forgot time last.
Why can’t the years alone go by so fast anyway?
I haven’t been touched like that for a while,
Was living in a life marching single file
‘Cause who needs love when you’re in denial anyway?
Thanks for listening even when it’s tough.
A lot of people need to say this kind of stuff.
Now I feel and I hope that I’ve said enough.
Anyway…
“Maybe Baby” is an overused rhyme,
So said my love, May Bee.
But I said, “Maybe, May Bee, my baby,
“But be that as it may,
“Maybe let ‘Maybe Baby’ be as it may be.”
Filed under Poems
Circular houses are warmer
Than square houses, I’ve found;
Square houses are ninety degrees in the corners
But circles are 360 all around!
Filed under Poems
If, in normal conversations,
It were assumed that one should rhyme
We’d have a better grasp of grammar
And awkward silence a lot of the time.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 