Tag Archives: Poetry

Biden Dirty

They see me Biden,

Debatin’

And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

I said they ain’t black

Like I’m not

Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

My mind is less than sturdy…

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!

Sniffin’ the babies just for fun

While I say you don’t need no gun,

Tellin’ how our country’s run,

Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.

Tara Reade told some news site

What I did back then was not alright,

But poor kids are just as good as the white.

Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.

Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia

‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.

Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,

But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.

I love having kids sitting on my lap,

I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,

You’ll vote for me despite this crap.

By the way, what the heck’s an app?

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The Heroes We Need

The closest of friends

Were Buttock and Cheek.

One was quite hairy,

The other quite sleek.

Whenever the world

Seemed wrong for a bit

The two came together

And stopped all that shit!

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And That’s The Truth?

At 5:00 AM I woke up

And went for a three-mile run.

At 6:00 AM I wrote a love note

To my honeybun.

At 7:00 AM I had breakfast:

Gold-plated caviar.

At 1:20 PM I lied in a poem

And that’s my day so far!

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Tell Me This Doesn’t Rhyme!

Ding Chang was changing his password

To 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈺

But Google called it invalid

So instead he wrote 🈚️🈶🈷️🈸🈵

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Meanwhile, At Netflix Headquarters…

In Japan they make cartoons

With people named Jojo or Light…

And even though they’re Japanese

The characters are all white…

But when we film an adaptation

Fans of the original are mad

Because we only hired white actors

And, apparently, that’s bad?

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TWITTER HAS GONE TOO FAR!!!

A side effect of internet

Expanding the nobodies’ voices

Is what were once called parodies

Are now called valid choices.

Opinions so abhorrent

That no one would speak in person

Are fodder for hysteria,

A fate I fear will worsen.

No civil conversation

Can withstand the hate of distance,

And leaving online life

May be the only sane resistance.

What evidence have I

That things are dire as I claim?

Well, someone unironically

Wrote “Firefly is lame.”

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It’s Not The Size… It’s The Personality

Here’s to all the porcupines

Who smile from behind their spines.

How they reproduce may you-befuddle,

As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.

One thing that I know for certain

Is neither partner ends up hurtin’

Which is more than I can say

For every woman I’ve had. Yay!

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Why Fictional Japan Is Objectively The Best Country

On TV, the blue-haired girl

Is innocent and kind.

She cooks and cleans and loves you

For your heart, not your behind.

She’s fearful, but she conquers it;

Was blind, but now she sees.

In real life, the blue-haired girl

Thinks men are a disease.

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Or Do I…?

Apathy’s amazing!

It’s the best a mood can get!

It’s so great that I don’t care

That I don’t get it yet!

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Good Clean American Cinema

If the Florida Air National Guard

Gets attacked by a suicidal croc

And they try to assassinate the leader

By using many a Blackhawk

Then discover the croc was Muslim

And they make a movie about it later

I hope they give it the title:

“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”

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