Tag Archives: Politics

Al Capone, Libertarian

I ask you now to wonder

On the act of taking plunder

And on pirate-like behavior as a whole:

How does someone with a flag

Holding out a taxman’s bag

Compare to vagrants charging travelers a toll?

And what of other you’s and me’s

Traveling on the seven seas

When a Jolly Roger pulls their cannon out

And says “give us what you’ve got

“Or you’ll probably get shot.”

That’s what piracy and taxes are about!

Now sure, our brand of takers

Cheer beside you for the Lakers

And send you notes before they pull their gun

But they are not made less like Smeagol

Just because their theft is legal

And their pre-audit demeanor is more fun.

I’m not afraid to call BS

On our nation’s IRS.

Now excuse me, for I must go on the run.

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A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization

The incidences of protests

Inversely correlate

With the cost of protest signs

And whether people have a date.

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Diversity

I told my family that I’m gay.

They said “No problem, that’s okay.”

I told them next that I do drugs.

They said “Let us give you hugs.”

I said I like to eat poo.

They said “We’re always here for you.”

I told them I voted for Trump.

They said “Kill yourself you nazi asshole.”

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Christmas In Cascadia

We the people laugh and sing

Though our houses serve as graves

To the offspring of the forests

And the farms of evergreen slaves.

We hang lights on the bodies

Of the trees we cut ourselves

And celebrate the sootiness

Of indentured arctic elves.

Our celebration is offensive

To terrorists a world away

Thus to mention “Merry Christmas”

Means you’re probably anti-gay.

So just say “Happy Holidays,”

And smile and submit

So folks who think this poem is serious

Will not have a fit.

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Irony’s Trump Card

People on the street

Waving Confederate flags

Say “You lost, move on.”

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False-Rape Culture

The marriage rate is going down

And many tears are falling.

The good men left and left behind

Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.

Men no longer mentor

Any women that they pay

Because they fear the power

Of what said women might say

And smart men will no longer talk

To strangers in a skirt

‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away

From sleeping in the dirt.

Cats think that this circumstance

Is surely heavensent:

They live with 30-something women

Whose exes pay the rent.

Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves

From fighters into monks

And leave the chasing women

To the inner-city punks.

The West now walks on eggshells.

There is no doubt about it:

The feminists have made their beds

And now they lie about it.

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And Hark! He Said “Thou Cannot Reason With These People”

If we elected God himself

To lead the USA

Half of us would disapprove

Because he’s anti-gay.

Another half would criticize

The way his job was done

And make memes calling him socialist:

“Loaves and fishes for everyone!”

His “love your neighbor” policy

Would, by nationalists, be despised.

We’d call him dumb to design an ark

That’s unfeasibly sized.

We’d cry out “Egomaniac”

Because he asks for praise.

We’d complain that since he made time

The weekend should last four days.

Mary’d call him a rapist

After carrying his son

And some would say the Russians

Are the reason that he won.

They’d break the third commandment

Every day within the news

And people would complain

Because he panders to the Jews.

If we made God the president

He’d be called an old white shill,

But for sure his graven image

Would never grace a dollar bill.

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Advice To Passive-Aggressive Discussers Of All Things Political

Instead of intelligent conjecture

Or giving your opponent a lecture…

Just say “Hitler was right”

And boom! Have a fight.

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California, Son

I wish I could go to the beach

Without hearing the word “impeach,”

Could drive my car for quite a while

And go more than a half a mile,

Could say the word “black”

And not draw stares.

It’s where everything matters

But nobody cares.

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Democrats

All white males suck

Because they are prejudiced

Based on race and sex.

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