Whosoever writeth thus
In styles archaic and old
Shall not retain a salary
And, as consequence, is cold
For whosoever writeth
In a manner hard to read
Is but a fool or PhD,
Neither of which fulfills a need.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe
If you prey at a alter
And like you’re time their,
You watch the news and think
That how the world works isnt fare,
Youve misplaced yor resume
But will happily give you the jist
Than you might bee looking four jobs
Via a web sight like Craigslist.
Filed under Poems
Hipster Children
I really liked green eggs and ham.
I really, really gave a damn.
Then they wrote the book and whoo!
Everybody loved it too.
Now I hate green eggs and ham,
That Dr. Seuss and Sam-I-Am.
I hate them so much I can burst,
Yet proudly say I loved them first.
Filed under Poems
Was That A Buzz? Could Be Important…
Smell the golden ocean’s breeze,
See the twinkling distant shore.
The flashing red of car brakes
Shine like Christmas at sunset.
The city’s sound is footsteps
On a snowy concrete floor.
And in that eternal moment
Life’s as good as it can get.
The Gods look down in wonder
From wherever they may be
And the windy shaking cedars
Loose a low ecstatic moan.
And in that time and space is love
For all the world to see
Except for all the people
Who think “I should check my phone.”
Filed under Poems
Three Monster Poems (‘Cause I Guess One Poem Every Day Doesn’t Satisfy Me Anymore?)
If I were a monster
I’d want to be Godzilla.
He’s the definition of
A true cold-blooded killa’.
And if the other monsters
Were being unfriendly blokes
I could prob’ly diss them with
A good “your Mothra” joke.
——————————————————–
If I could be a monster
A dragon’d be real swell.
If I exhale heavily
The room would go to Hell.
I’d hang out with princesses
And burn knights on a stick
And although I couldn’t use it much
I’d have a giant… wingspan.
——————————————————–
I want to be a monster
And as a white man I’m quite close.
If only I could do something
That’s really, really gross…
All these thoughts of monsters
Have really gotten to me,
But since I can’t be Godzilla
I’ll just vote for Hillary!
He’s Only Unqualified Because Privilege!
Marvel should create someone
Whose a hero with no powers,
Like a non-billionaire Batman
In front of whom no villain cowers.
He should be short and poor and whiny,
Cry a lot and be a victim
And whenever he’s out heroing
The Avengers ask “who picked ‘im?”
He displays no special qualities,
Lacks gadgets, brains, and strength
Which is why those who are like him
Need representation. At any length…
I think the point I’m making
Is while, sure, “Super” is great
We need an Affirmative Action Hero!
(Now your hate mail I await)
Filed under Poems
The Morning News
Good morning, I’m your anchorman
Stu Earlyforme.
Today, Beverly Hills, 90210
Cleveland Browns, 3.
In an unrelated story
UPS has hired
For delivering heavy packages
River, a female tiger.
Though mostly quite successful
She’s been criticized of late. These
Critics say its dangerous
When the tigress River meets yo’ freight needs.
A new study from Harvard
Indicates the transgender switch
Can give patients speech impediments.
It’s titled “Man or Myth?”
And finally porn star ventriloquist
Ada Youknowwhat faced rejection
When pitching her new sitcom
Entitled “Yeast Inflection.”
Filed under Poems
It’s Hard To Express Affection Sometimes
My love for you’s beyond that
Which human words can express,
But if I had to make a word
Then… let me think… I guess
It would sound somewhat like
The sound a beaver makes
When it stops chewing tree bark
And moves to eating rakes.
Filed under Poems
That Blows!
My urine is made of pure oxygen
Because of a disease that’s rare.
It’s not that bad except for the fact
That my parents called me “Pierre.”
Filed under Poems
George R.R. Martin Haikus
Tiny perfect love
Harmless as the falling snow…
Let’s murder it! Lol
——————————————————–
If your life is bland
Even though you’re rich and stuff
Why not try incest?
——————————————————–
I like stories where
Characters have twelve names each.
Maybe that’s just me…
The Daily Travesty 