I think I know why plants don’t speak
And the reason is this:
They cannot pronounce the word
“Photosynthesis.”
My other hypothesis
For why speech is elusive
Is that plants are politically moderate
(But evidence is inconclusive).
Tag Archives: Short
But The Microwave Is Silver…
The pot called the kettle black.
The kettle thought the pot was a racist kind,
But then kettle saw that the pot was black too
And, quoth the kettle, nevermind.
Filed under Poems
We Are The Sum Of Our Experiences
Have you ever seen a sunrise
And thought “that’s very yellow?”
Have you ever met a stranger
And known you do not know the fellow?
Have you ever started a poem
Without knowing how it will end?
If so I have to ask you
To stop trying to steal my identity.
Filed under Poems
Why The French Make Good High-Rollers
You may look real classy
In your souped-up chassis
And yet prove to be asses
When you read “chassis” as chasses.
Filed under Poems
That’s All He Had Time For
Today we bury the body of Joe
Who lived to 108.
He read the terms and conditions
And thus he is “the late.”
Filed under Poems
She’s Not Worth It
A girl whom I admire
Asked me “do you want to go
“To an all-inclusive, safe-space
“Fair-trade, vegan comedy show?”
She said, if not, I could suggest
Something I think’s more fun
Which is why this weekend
I got a colonoscopy done.
Filed under Poems
Well, It’s Skinny, White, And Smells Good (If That’s Your Type)
I think a dentist’s love
For dental floss is overstated.
I mean, sure, it cleans your teeth
But would you really want to date it?
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Unsatisfied with today’s love poem?
So was my last girlfriend.
Unlike her, you can inspire me to create something valuable and non-toxic by checking out my Patreon
Also Marvin, if you ever become a woman again, call me!
Filed under Poems
It’s Hard To Express Affection Sometimes
My love for you’s beyond that
Which human words can express,
But if I had to make a word
Then… let me think… I guess
It would sound somewhat like
The sound a beaver makes
When it stops chewing tree bark
And moves to eating rakes.
Filed under Poems
That Blows!
My urine is made of pure oxygen
Because of a disease that’s rare.
It’s not that bad except for the fact
That my parents called me “Pierre.”
Filed under Poems
George R.R. Martin Haikus
Tiny perfect love
Harmless as the falling snow…
Let’s murder it! Lol
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If your life is bland
Even though you’re rich and stuff
Why not try incest?
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I like stories where
Characters have twelve names each.
Maybe that’s just me…
The Daily Travesty 