“Wherewithin the stuff doth lie
Comes hither forth to thee and I.”
We know not what its meaning may be
But its important to someone with a PhD.
Tag Archives: Short
Shucka-Shucka-Sucka! (Shucks?)
I once knew a Moroccan
Who thought that I was shockin’.
I gave him a shake
To see what sound he’d make
And he said “That’s a maraca, dumbass!”
Filed under Poems
There’s A Guy Who Gets His Ass Kicked In A Dark Alley
Sometimes I lie away at night
Wondering which fancy jackass
Invented the word “pretentious.”
If our positions should coincide
In an unlit walkway between buildings
I’d like to thrust a limb pertaining to my lower body
To the rear-side of the juncture connecting his counterparts of the aforementioned lower-body elements
Purely for hedonic gratification.
Filed under Poems
Oops! I meant “Perfunctory.” Wait, No…
“Pusillanimous”
Was how I described my date.
I did not get laid.
Filed under Poems
How To Hedge Your Bets
If you’re a divorce lawyer
Being polygamous is wise
‘Cause you’ll get a lot of business
And you’re already good with lies.
Filed under Poems
No Mrs. Brown, Carston Is Not An Angel
If you have offspring
And they are not Satan’s toys
Then you don’t know your kids
(Or you children aren’t boys).
If the latter is true
Well, it gets better dude!
If your children are girls…
I’m sorry, you’re screwed.
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!
A minute with me
Is an hour in Heaven,
But no woman will know
‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
Flour Power
All-purpose is white.
Whole wheat is gray.
I misspelled “flower”
But kept writing anyway.
Filed under Poems
Because I’m An A**hole, And Also I Just Saved You Six Hours of Movies
If I got a degree in nursin’
And saw a patient starting to worsen
I’d say “Hey man, you’re dead
“And Rosebud is a sled
“And you and Tyler are the same person.”
Filed under Poems
