There once was a guy from Poempeii
Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.
He said “Gods, I hate rain!
“Could you please stop this pain?”
How the Gods answered blew him away.
Tag Archives: Silly
Multipurpose Tool
A shiny new piano
Is a beauty to behold,
And music can bring life and warmth
Despite the rain and cold.
Every key and inch of wood
Brings harmony, dear reader…
Especially when dropped from the 60th floor
Onto the appropriate world leader.
Filed under Poems
One Joke Too Far
I walked up to my teacher
When I was eight years old
And smiled widely and said this,
Or so I have been told:
“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog
“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?
“He was afraid of too much mush room.”
That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.
Filed under Poems
The Weaker Poetry Bloggers, One Year Into The Apocalypse… #Weak
‘Twas on a night near end of Spring
When I was asked to write a thing
Describing how the flowers bloomed
Even though humanity’s doomed.
“Roses are red“, so started my verse
“And violets are blue, unlike that hearse.”
And then I decided since I’d end up dead
To quit writing poems and play golf instead.
So wrote a lesser poet just days
Before he was eaten by the undead horde.
When apocalypse comes, I’ll struggle in ways
But never complain that, when writing, I’m bored.
Filed under Poems
Research Projects
Forsythia is a flower
Of the family oleaceae.
They’re pretty and they’re yellow
And they make me saeae
“Ooh, look at that forsythia!
“They’re of the order lamiales!”
Then I ask my mother
If she’ll cook me tamales.
Filed under Poems
I Did Plans D-ZZ For You… You’re Welcome
Sometimes you make a plan A, B, and C
But the world just is what it chooses to be
And while we can see it as a half-full cup
Sometimes it’s more fun just to mess some stuff up!
On somewhat of a tangent, I’m really keen
On the idea of making a time machine
That does a time loop, Groundhog Day style
And mess some stuff up for an infinite while.
You’re consequence-free for a lifetime or two,
Testing out various versions of you.
Don’t like the result of a particular day?
Just jump off a cliff and try a new way!
And if you are sad knowing this isn’t real,
Believe me, I get it! I know how you feel…
So think of it this way (This gets kinda heady)
You’ve been in and finished a time loop already.
You’ve lived endless lives of the same day again
And you’ve kissed all the ladies and shot all the men
And learned Japanese and solved nuclear fusion
And finally came to a stunning conclusion:
With infinite time, with no way to fail,
With no threat of death, embarrassment, jail
Your life loses meaning if you only win it
So you used your last time loop to think for a minute,
Inventing a button that made time go back
To a day at a time, with a total lack
Of memory concerning your endless days
Of repeating your time in all different ways.
You’ve already learned that making mistakes
Is sometimes exactly what happiness takes,
But if you still need to shoot a TV
To burn some frustration, that’s alright by me!
Filed under Poems
Happy Delusions
If I had a pet stegosaurus
I think I would name it Boris
And until someone finked
That he was extinct
My family would really adore us.
Everything’s Better With Blankets
Everything’s better with blankets!;
That’s an objective fact!
If someone says “No thanks, I’m good”
Something in their brain has cracked.
Everything’s better with blankets
Because they are fuzzy and warm.
You have one when born, as a kid, and so on
Until you move into a dorm.
Whether a fleece or a quilt or a sheet
Or a comforter or a duvet
A blanket inspired the doer of everything
To say an emphatic “Yay!”
Everything’s better with blankets
And that’s the precise reason why
You should never ask me what is
The secret ingredient in my pie.
Filed under Poems
See Also: Guillotine, Quinoa, Otorhinolaryngologist
Worcestershire and Draught
Were about to get married,
In love for the rest of their life
But the priest looked upset,
And said “I am sorry
“But I can’t pronounce you, husband and wife.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 