I believe my destiny
Has been chosen just for me
By the position of the stars
And maybe too the moon and Mars
On the day that I was born,
But alas now I am torn
Because one newspaper said
“Watch out for someone who’s not dead”
While another warned me that
“You’ll meet someone that wears a hat.”
What am I supposed to do?
Watch for the hatted and the living too?
So many truths, I am forlorn!
Such woe is mine, a Capricorn.
Filed under Poems
I think that Jesus didn’t have children
Because if he had children then
He’d make them sandwiches, but they’d complain
“Daaad… pastrami and rise again?”
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On the other hand, Moses was famous
For his sandwiches. That’s what I hear.
In fact, back in Egypt I heard he was voted
The Nigev desert’s manna the year.
Filed under Poems
Steve the alligator
Looked at the lemon rind
That, squeezed out and discarded,
In the swamp he did find.
The lemon said “Life gave me
“And thus did I die,
“So I warn you dear gator
“That your time is nigh.”
Filed under Poems
I want to be the director
At a news station some day
So when a line of gnus appears
I am the one to say:
“Lights… Camera… Action”
But moreso than the views
I want to say I was the one
Who cued queued gnus news.
Filed under Poems
She was a 10.
I was a male.
I thought it was love,
Then she said “I like kale.”
Filed under Poems
When my friends ask me
“Why are you still single?”
I tell them my hobby
Is sitting, staring at my phone, trying to think of a satisfying rhyme for single
So I can finish my poem
That I write on my blog-ingle.
Filed under Poems
All these folks are making jokes
Like why was six afraid of seven?
So seven ate nine, that’s well and fine
But I’ve got a joke sent from heaven:
Why were e people
Afraid of the letter W?
Cause White people.
Haha, hehe, whoo!
Filed under Poems
Some people bought the story
Of pursuing fame and glory,
Of health and wealth and growing,
Running forward, never slowing.
I see those people every day,
Each burned out in their own way,
Faces lined by years and hassle;
I laugh inside my cardboard castle.
They are knights in shining armor,
Not satisfied to be a farmer,
Dying for causes another chose;
My armor is purple pillows.
They fight over feelings they never said,
Fighting a thought they’ve trapped in their head
For fear if people knew what they thought
They’d be revealed as someone not doing so hot.
I know I’m a no-one, and no I don’t care
As I play in my sandbox in fresh autumn air.
Maybe you mock me, but maybe you doubt;
After all, what if fun is what life’s all about?
What if the crusaders, celebrities, kings
Understand medals are just metal things?
What if they know, but their leisure depends
On you staying tired and having no friends?
Do you want to know if enough is enough,
If the pain doesn’t pay for the meaningful stuff?
Care to discover if your dreams can come true?
My castle has enough space to fit two…
Filed under Poems
When children attempt to be smart
They turn first to reading and art.
Then they learn “flatulence“
Rhymes with nothing but “spatulence”
And thus they resume saying fart.
Filed under Poems
Today I was busy
And did lots of stuff
So I went back home
And pumped out this fluff.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 