If I were a turtle
I would be more fertile.
I’d have more girl turtles to court.
Also nothing but fertile
Rhymes well with turtle
And turtles don’t care if you’re short.
Tag Archives: Silly
Still Want Super Powers?
Super strength at tea parties,
Super speed in bed,
Shoot lasers from your eyes
Whenever you say “I thee wed,”
Flight while on an airplane,
Access to Betamax knowledge,
Or being a straight white male
But only when applying to college.
Filed under Poems
This One’s For All The First Graders (And Middle Schoolers)
There are things I’ll never knew
‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue
But since I eated it I confess
This poem’s grammars has not make sense.
Filed under Poems
Toes
There aren’t very many
Who do not have any.
There’s a few who have fewer than ten.
But if you meet the ten-plussers
Who seem proud and aren’t fussers
They are almost certainly men.
Filed under Poems
BTW I’m Not Jewish
She lay beside me
Still in her white dress.
My mouth was alight in her taste.
Her skin was like russet.
Her body was slender
From tip-to-tip, straight in the waist.
She was my fantasy,
Food on my table,
Sustaining me all through the day.
So although it is weird
To put a dress on bacon
I do it ’cause she is my bae.
Filed under Poems
The Fact That I Think This Is Hilarious Is Also Hilarious… Or Is That Just Me?
If I were Chinese and Italian
My name would be Ho D’Addario.
I’d feel happy in my rural home
(But probably concealed carry though).
And one day I would know
My life was going well
When folks’d say “Hi Ho D’Addario!
“The farmer’s in the dell!”
Filed under Poems
And With That Hair I’m Destined For National Leadership
If I were a Pokemon
I’d want to be Crabominable
Because no one would enslave me
And fight in a manner intolerable.
Yes, ugliness has benefits
When avoiding death is your aim.
And for you ’90s kids who say its fake:
You should play a more recent game.
Filed under Poems
Without My Mom You’d Still Be Pretending To Like Robert Frost
Today we thank our mothers,
The reason we’re alive,
The commuter jets of fetuses
That ensured to life we’d arrive.
And after our delivery
Their labors didn’t stop;
Our every cry reminded them
Of a long-ago hop-on-Pop.
They spent many sleepless hours
Changing diapers, wiping tears,
Just for us to becomes teenagers
All full of angst and sneers.
But two moms we thank today
Whose children are divine.
One is the virgin Mary
And the other mom is mine.
Filed under Poems
Misleading Titles (Also Pure Fiction Except Lines 4, 7, and 8)
I sit here at the bus stop
Reading Fifty Shades of Grey
(Which I got at the library
‘Cause for that crap I won’t pay)
And as I skim from the intro
Until the final line
I see one quite clear shade
But where’s the other forty-nine?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 