Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
You can’t be happy
Without a hap-piness.
Tag Archives: Silly
Celebrating The Freedom To Be Lousy At Stuff
All around me I see boring artwork
I hear songs and and poems I despise,
Read novels with no satisfying endings
And look at them through someone else’s eyes,
Thus what once seemed like a bunch of rubbish
From the perspective of the makers, though they’re dopes,
I know as long as we are free to make this sort of crap
We’re free from those who’d seek to crush our hopes.
So if you feel tired of the daily,
The regular routine has got you down,
Why not draw a purple line on canvas
And sell it to a bank somewhere in town?
Filed under Poems
Where’s That Guy Who Says “I’ll Do Anything Once”
I imagine if you walked around
Just licking random people
They’d probably throw you in jail.
However, I lack the desire
To test the hypothesis.
I also lack money for bail.
The Best Classical Music Parody You Have To Sing Yourself (Guaranteed Orgasm In 45 Seconds)
People say that music
Is the worst it’s ever been.
I disagree because of one song
Written by Herr Beethoven.
If you take his fifth symphony
(That goes Da-da-da duuuuuuuh)
And simply give it the lyrics
“Oh baby yeah, oh baby uhhh!”
It becomes a pop hit
To match the best today.
Here’s a link to prove it.
You’re welcome, by the way.
Helpful hint: Just sing those two lyrics with the melody for about twenty seconds and you’ll get the intended effect.
Filed under Poems
The Extent Of My Megalomania (Which Is Also A Good Name For A Country)
If I had my own country…
Let’s call it Placelandia…
I know exactly
The flag I’d want.
It would be all white
But with black letters
That said “Placelandia”
In the biggest possible font.
I think Placelandia
Would be kinda okay
And help elementary school kids
Get, in geography, an A.
Filed under Poems
Why The Chihuahua Doesn’t To Come In My Room Anymore
I’m burning photographs
Of someone that I loved,
Watching ashes dance
From earth to what’s above
And wondering silently
On how it could have been.
Is unwillingness to forgive
Lack of virtue or actual sin?
I hold his body in my arms…
What’s left of it at least.
Who knew that to a warrior
A simple dog was such a beast?
But now I am alone again
My mind already set
On how I can replace
My unopened* limited-edition Boba Fett.
*Previously unopened… 😭
Filed under Poems
This Poem Doesn’t Rhyme But My English Professor Still Hated It
I think a good name for a dog
Is “Help”
Because when you call after it
Other people look at you
And some of those lookers
Are rich and/or sexy
And enjoy the company
Of cheekily named dogs
And their owners…
Just sayin’.
Filed under Poems
Jack Didn’t Sense The Conspiracy Until It Was Too Late
Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers.
It seemed to him the decent thing to do,
Then sweated sweetly with some swarthy schleppers
To schlep the peppers way back home to you.
But you, alas, had since left for the seashore
To sell your silly seashells I don’t doubt.
So I went to the park to soothe our offspring.
Didn’t give tidy teeter-totter daughters time to pout.
But somewhere in my heart I felt a tugging…
The tongue-tied tugging you and Jack know well.
I hope it goes away as I fetch water.
But oops! I tripped or slipped. Jill? What the hell?
Filed under Poems
But The Microwave Is Silver…
The pot called the kettle black.
The kettle thought the pot was a racist kind,
But then kettle saw that the pot was black too
And, quoth the kettle, nevermind.
Filed under Poems
A Hollywood Musical
Hollywood!
(It’s so darn good)
Oh yes, oh yes, I say.
Hollywood!
(Land of falsehood)
Oh yes, oh yes.
Where what’s important aren’t the facts unless they fit into three acts.
The place where fiction goes to diiiiiieeeeeeee!
Where it’s okay to have no story. CGI can bring you glory.
So can manly men who cryyyyyyyyyyyy!
Hollywood!
(Our favorite wood)
Oh yes, oh yes.
They’ve done all they could
(More than they should)
Oh yes, oh yes,
To guarantee that you and me will pay hard-earned money to see
A bunch of actors green-screen flyyyyyyy!
Where shirtless six-packed men are common working at Starbucks, eating ramen
Hoping to be a leading guuuyyyyyyyyyy!
You can’t stop Hollywood!
(Long has it stood!)
Oh no, oh not Hollywood!
(What else rhymes with “wood?”)
Nothing I guess…
And if you’ve ever read the book at adaptations do not look
Because you know they’ll only break your heart in twooooooooooo!
And if derivative plotlines can’t send those shivers up your spines
Well, don’t expect the Fox execs to say boo hoooooooooooo!
They gave you big robotic brawlers
And already have your dollars
So why not make Skywalker say “screw yoooouuuuuuuuu?
So if you’re inclined to feel
You don’t want to keep it real
Then come to Hoooooooo
Llllyyyyyyyyyyyy
Woooooooooooooood….
(Dramatic pause)
Toooooooooooooooooo
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
(Olay!)
The Daily Travesty 