Wild turkey
Powerful majestic bird
Bald eagles are overrated
Turkeys are tasty
And kind
Tag Archives: Stupid
If Only We Were Still Wearing Masks…
The bird flu killed my chicken.
It killed my brother’s duck.
I heard a peacock died as well
With just a sickly cluck.
The price of eggs is rising
But what worries me even more
Is how when all the planes die
Plane ticket costs will soar.
Filed under Poems
How Kids Tell Stories
‘Twas a Wednesday like any other
Except the part where mother
Put our pet fish in a tank
And then the army came
To get their tank back
And also the part with the lizards…
My favorite color is orange.
Attack of the Alabaster Basil from the planet Flaccidpookum (Or Why Originality Is Not As Important As You Think)
It was a normal day in the white house,
Or so President Smellingsalt thought…
Until the sky opened and blood rained down
Like the street corner prophets were taught
And a sprig of an herb, aromatic and pale
Smote the Earth and declared “I’m your master!”
And the humans proclaimed, “Oh no! What the heck!
“It’s basil that’s somehow Alabaster!”
And the basil proclaimed from celestial height
“Yes, people of Earth. Your statement is right!”
But what happened next to the humans did shook ‘em…
The basil declared “I am from Flaccidpookum!”
After that day life was largely the same
Except people drank a lot more hoppy beers.
The saddest part is this poem’s more original
Than anything Hollywood’s made for the past dozen years.
Filed under Poems
JK Rowling Be Like…
If “I want women to be safe from men”
Is good to believe, please answer this then:
Why’s “I want women to be safe from men wearing dresses”
Causing so many social media messes?
Filed under Poems
That Was Almost Disastrous!
I found world peace on Amazon
For $15.99.
It promised a world without conflict
Where everyone feels fine,
Without racism, bigotry,
Or hate of any type
And it had all five-star reviews
That said “It’s worth the hype!”
I put it in my shopping cart
And then, with horror, saw
They charged $10 bucks for shipping
So instead I bought martial law.
Filed under Poems
But Which Has More Hot Air
There once was a balloon from China
That flew over North Carolina.
Some guy shot it down
And earned more renown
Than president Joe the Mangina.
Filed under Poems
Further Proof That Dumb Names Are The Root Of All Evil
I wonder if Julius Caesar
Had been given a manlier name
He wouldn’t have needed to conquer so much
And the world would never be the same.
Filed under Poems
Now Mr. Horns Needs Emotional Support Too… Freakin’ East Coast *@%*s
I tried to take my emotional support rhino
On my flight to NYC
But they said I had to buy another seat…
So much for body positivity!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 