My parents were trees;
I’m a cone that you step on
To make crackle sounds.
Tag Archives: Trees
Beauty Without Photoshop
Willow, willow, don’t you weep.
Just calm upon the Earth sit.
Your loveliness has but one name:
Arb’oreal: Because you’re worth it.
Filed under Poems
On Trees That Fall Where No One Can Hear Them
If in the glade that no one hears
There falls a silent tree
One asks oneself: Would a hipster
Try to buy the tree’s CD?
Given the same scenario
Of the silent fallen tree
How long would they call it racist
On MSNBC?
Filed under Poems
The Power Plant
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pointed towards the woods
And they set out to find it
And claim its electric goods.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
And went off to the forest.
Now I picture them and laugh
‘Cause me they must abhorest.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pointed to the oaks,
The tow’ring cedar, stalwart maple,
Not intending it as a hoax.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pictured a mighty tree
Because a hundred feet of hardwood
Is a powerful plant to me.
I Like Trees More Anyway
Today is the day
The trees come inside
And the children go out
In the ice and the snow.*
Why we bring in trees
Is a mystery to me
And why we take back the kids
I don’t rightfully know.
*If you looked at this asterisk
You may not be from Minnesota
Filed under Poems
Childish Dreams
As a child I planted bacon
To grow a bacon tree.
The others said it wouldn’t work,
But I said “wait and see.”
Summers passed and kids gree up.
The soil, it stayed flat.
My friends got educations,
But I’d no time for that.
Some guys got jobs and girlfriends.
I stuck with my feat though,
‘Cause one of these days my dreams will come true
And I will see my meat grow.
Filed under Poems
Driver’s Ed Dropouts
Saw down a tree.
Chop it down with an ax.
Burn it, chainsaw it,
Send it anthrax.
There are lots of good ways
To get rid of a tree,
But hitting it with your car
Doesn’t sound smart to me.
Filed under Poems
The Money/Trees Quandary: A Contemporary discussion of the Fiscal and Sociological Impacts of Wild Currency
If money grew on trees
We’d see fewer thieves,
And we’d have a new perspective
On the growing of mint leaves.
If money grew on trees
The forests would be shining
And all the coins as foliage
Would cut back the need for mining.
If money grew on trees
Then natural selection
Would show us who new world leaders are
Before their big election.
If money grew on trees
Interest in forests would grow.
No one would buy stocks;
Their investments would really grow.
If money grew on trees
Fewer fires would start via smoker
And Casinos all would move outside
For better games of poker.
If money grew on trees
One question still remains
Which raises important fiscal concerns:
What happens when it rains?
Overheard at Bring Your Dad to School Day
I’m not just a logger;
I’m a matchmaker for trees.
See, how life goes for them
Is one arbor sees
The love of their life
Just a few feet away,
And they spend their time loving
Each other all day.
After a while
What these trees want so much
Is to lean over a little
And let their bodies touch,
So I whop out my chainsaw
And bring that love to fruition.
It makes me feel good
And it pays her tuition.
Filed under Poems
Condescending Tree
“Long skinny tree,
Tell what you see
From your vantage point
Up in the sky.”
“Well short human man,
I’ll tell if I can,
But I’m afraid
I don’t have any eyes.”
“So you mean to say
That trees go all day
Without ever seeing
Your beautiful view?”
“Yes indeed, I am blind
Just like all of my kind.
But at least I am tall,
Unlike you.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 