There was an insurance exec
Who got shot in the street. What the heck?
But instead of mass fear
Folks just let out a cheer,
Now relieved of one pain in the neck.
Tag Archives: Truth
A Poem For My Wife On The Occasion Of A Duty To Her Peers
‘Twas the day of jury duty
And through the courthouse
Most groups were still waiting
(They’d just called in “mouse”).
The judges were hoping
For non-psycho jurors
While my wife was pining
For sofas and purrers.
One hundred dollars
Awaited those selected
To sit in the waiting room,
Tired and dejected,
But some of those gathered
Would be chosen to act
As one of a dozen
Who would justice enact.
The thrill of deciding
A dumb person’s fate
Might be tempting for some,
But not to my mate.
She wanted to go
To her job or her house,
Not to wait for a call
For “Octopus”. (Nope, still “mouse”).
And then, with a flash
And a low-level clatter
A sentry emerged
And did hush all their chatter.
“I’ve news for you all”
The page said to the bunch.
“We don’t need you right now.
“Take an hour for lunch.”
And so wifey departed
In search of a bite
With an intrusive thought
That she’d be here all night…
Filed under Poems
True Confessions of a Dungeon Master
So I spent 7 hours
Writing history and motivation
For a character who will capture
My players’ imagination.
They walk up to the character
And immediately leave
And then adopt an NPC
I randomly named “Steve”.
Filed under Poems
The Masculine Urge
Today, when I was peeing
And pondering my existence,
I realized I hadn’t thought about sex in 24 hours.
What I was suddenly seeing
Was not some great resistance
But the fact that Magic: The Gathering has given me superpowers.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
Dear Every Channel Today, Apparently…
If you feel the need to change our minds
Two days before our votes are cast
I suggest that your campaign was crap
And the time for changing minds has passed.
Filed under Poems
See Also: People Who Drive The Speed Limit In The Carpool Lane
There once was a political leftist
And another who leaned to the right.
They both mocked the art in banks and hotels
And then peacefully mumbled “Good night.”
Filed under Poems
Beetlejuice, Then And Now
In 1988 they made a movie of a couple
Who died driving off a one lane bridge.
They ended up haunting their family home
Because New Yorkers tried to sell their fridge.
They sang a reggae song about bananas
And almost had a wedding with a demon
And then a random sandworm saved the day
And everybody smiled instead of screamin’.
In 2024 they made a movie of a kid
And her parents and grandparents and a cop who is actually an actor, and an ex-wife and some random murdery boyfriend, etc.
They also had a wedding with a demon
Before a random sandworm saved the day
And I’m just wondering why Hollywood
Can’t just make films the 1988 way.
Filed under Poems
My Marriage
She says “What?”
I say “Your butt.”
Then we both smile
And snuggle a while.
Filed under Poems
It’s The Little Things
So World War 3 is imminent
And everyone’s poor and depressed
But they’re selling egg nog at Costco again
So I feel a little less stressed
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 