Tag Archives: Truth

March 17, 2022 · 8:03 pm

I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND

Right now it’s been 21 minutes

Since I started loading my homework

And the first question still hasn’t loaded.

I imagine sometime in the future

When the sun is a distant memory

And perhaps the whole universe has imploded

I’ll finally look at my laptop

And see “Question 1 of 16”

Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…

Well, it’s been seven more minutes

Since I started writing this poem

So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!

Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)

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March 13, 2022 · 7:33 pm

Why Modern Poets Are Thin

A poem without rhyming’s

Like a cheeseburger without cheese,

A BLT with no tomato,

A bowl of carrots without peas.

A poem without rhyming

Lacks flavor and synergy

But alas I’m on a diet

And must cut whatever calories I can…

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March 11, 2022 · 6:58 pm

Tech Support

Sometimes a customer writes me to say

“I wish that your product would do things this way.”

I like to tell them “Hey, let’s clear the air:

“The problem’s between your keyboard and chair.”

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March 5, 2022 · 10:45 pm

I Promise To Make Other People Swear To Tell The Truth…

Doctors take the Hippocratic oath;

That’s what my teacher said.

On the test I wrote “Hypocritical oath”

But that’s what lawyers take instead.

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March 3, 2022 · 7:12 pm

No, I Don’t Have Friends. Why Do You Ask?

Don’t you love when you decide

“I should update my browser app”

And then two hours later

It’s like the internet took a nap

And you’re wishing you could google

What to do when the web is slow

But your browser app is downloading

And there’s nowhere to go

So instead of browsing

Through memes and news and stuff

You finally say “Screw it”

And admit enough’s enough

And go into the world again

And gaze on nature’s splendor?

I don’t. I write poems instead.

How’s that for a comedic ender?

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March 1, 2022 · 8:16 pm

This Poem Will Never Age

There once was a televised speech

Made by a corrupt human leech.

He said lots of stuff

But not nearly enough

To justify gross overreach.

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February 23, 2022 · 7:03 pm

What Do We Want? Catchy Slogan! Where Do We Want Them? On Premium Cardstock!

As people protest from the East to the West

Why aren’t more onlookers suspicious

Of the motives behind the folks who sell signs?

(Or is thinking such things inauspicious?)

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February 17, 2022 · 9:49 pm

And I, For One, Think It’s Great*

There once was a fascist ideal

That stirred up political zeal.

It showed only news

Which supported its views

Then mandated we see its appeal.

*They have my family… help!

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February 13, 2022 · 10:39 pm

Super Bowl LVI

There once were some sheep from LA

And a tiger got in their way.

In most cases, the cat

Would go “chomp” and that’s that

But alas, that did not work today.

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February 12, 2022 · 3:56 pm

The New Allied Forces?

I was looking at the stats today

For readers of my stuff;

India, Finland, and Singapore

Apparently love my fluff!

While those three all have “IN”

Somewhere within their name

They otherwise appear to have

Very little that is the same.

So to the folks in India,

Finland, and Singapore

Please accept my gratitude

And if there is a war

Know you have unlikely allies

Bonded by your hearts

That share appreciation

For the mediocre arts.

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