Every lovely girl I meet
Reminds me of what I dreamt:
That I would bring them home with me
As someone neat and kempt
But by the time the night, once young,
Is now a morning younger
I shall inspire in the girl
An animalistic hunger,
And in the dark of night we’ll join,
Two bodies, bare and lithe;
Two sides, one body, like a coin,
And ‘til the dawn we’ll writhe.
So it happened with a girl
When she and I were new.
She wore not more than sun-kissed skin
And didn’t have a clue.
I brought her to the place I call
My home, but I soon saw she
Was more inclined to eat my fruit
Than make a man of me.
As she bit the apple, I
Was filled with a vengeful thought;
If I could not catch that girl’s eye
So too other men would not.
I tensed my body, spouting curses
And made all men to come
Be mocked for wanting to be nurses
And also bald and dumb.
God saw what I did to man
And said, “Ok, that’s fair.”
Then he made chilbirth hurt, and
Other bits about which I don’t care.
Basically the point I’m making
Is if you’re a dude who feels cursed
Your girl probably rejected Satan
And her punishment is still worse.
The Daily Travesty 