Category Archives: Poems

Five-Year Plan (Updated)

There’s a little yellow house

With tulips in the yard,

Home to a pair of dreamers

And an angel on the way.

One of them’s a teacher.

Her husband is a bard

Who sits at a computer

Making problems go away.

The echo from a timeless love

A love that first began

When she asked him to talk about

His “perfect five-year plan.”

There’s a little library

Inside that yellow house,

A studio where students come

To learn the clarinet,

A kitchen big enough to please

The more attractive spouse,

And two young hearts forevermore

As full as they can get.

They’re thinking of the day he said

“I want to be your man,”

The first of many steps within

His perfect five-year plan.

You’ll never hear a hateful word

Be spoken bu them there.

They never let an apple sit

On any empty chair.

They smile at every photograph

Hung on the family wall,

But they won’t say what happens when

The captain comes to call.

And when the five year plan was done

And the house was home to four

He’d renew the five-year plan

Another lifetime more.

But there’s a little yellow house,

For-sale sign on the lawn.

It never was the home for them

The bard had counted on.

Turns out a five-year plan for two

Won’t work with only one

No matter how much someone cries

When they know that it’s done.

The perfect lifelong five-year plan

In three months was complete,

But when you love someone that much

You can’t call it defeat.

The sun still shines, the waves still crash,

There’s still a dusk and dawn.

The leaves are green, the rain is wet,

His eyes are nearly clear.

Just like the clouds that once were grey,

His heart is moving on

From yellow houses, unborn kids,

The teacher, and his fear.

The one thing he won’t leave behind

And knows he never can

Are memories that came to life

Thanks to a five-year plan.

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How Much Would You Cry If You Had 17 Eyes?

There are ten-quintillion insects

In the world, we estimate

Who deal daily with the fact

They’re objects of our hate.

They’ve never read a poem

And they’ve never seen a play

And we just go and murder them

As they go about their day.

Lots of people say things:

“Love your neighbor,” “Peace not war,”

But they don’t even bat an eye

When vacuuming their floor.

I think when we begin to care

For the welfare of bugs

Humanity will finally see

The real value of hugs.

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Poor Guy…

I think if you want

Your kid to not be pitied

Name him “Nography.”

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Thanks for the Memories?

Some people say it’s easy

To never care too much,

To be free and fun and easy

And they live their life as such.

I wish that feeling apathy

Was simple like they say,

But alas, the need to care too much

Won’t seem to go away.

To make a fancy breakfast

And not share it with another;

To read a book and wonder

What exactly makes heights wuther?

These and many other things

I wish I could erase

But I sleep a lifetime later

Still just thinking of your face.

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Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy

Just because his name is Curtis

Doesn’t mean that he is curt.

Just because her name is Cindy

Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.

Just because my name is Dick

Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.

Now where, my wifey dearest,

Is my mother****ing dinner?

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Love and War

Whenever Italy gets attacked

Someone must fell Rome,

Someone conquers Cicily,

Burns a Venetian home…

Yes, in an Italian conquest

These sackings are the staples

But a satisfying extra

Is somebody licked their Naples.

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Being Humble Is Almost As Hard As My Abs

I know I need to be humble,

To be a non-judgmental guy,

But if I said that was easy

What I say would be a lie.

The fact of the matter is I am just

Incredible, without a doubt

To the point where the lesbians love me

And the straightest of men will come out.

When I step out of bed in the morning

The sun is ashamed to be seen

Because how can a glorious light like that

Compare to me? Know what I mean?

So yes, in my mind I’m aware

That humility would serve me well

So I offer my prayers to Heaven…

The same Heaven from which I fell ; )

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Why Do You Think The Moon Is Trying To Grow Ever Closer To Us?

I think the moon is angry

(An observation and a warning)

Because everyone says “Goodnight Moon”

But they never say “Good morning.”

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Everyman

Somewhere near you is a man

Who has a loaded gun

And a heart full of unspoken pain.

He cannot see the sun,

Nor can he hear the laughter

Of the squirrels and birds and trees.

He walks upright, but out of sight

He’s fallen to his knees.

Somewhere there’s another man –

It might even be you –

Who gives the first a little nod

That says “I feel it too.”

And sometimes just a nod like that

Is all you need to say

To help a wounded warrior

Put the loaded gun away.

You don’t need superpowers

Or a cape to save the day.

Smiling is enough sometimes

To make the world okay.

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Worth Waiting For

One day a boy was throwing stones

At nothing in the wood

When he struck the belly of

A creature pure and good,

A unicorn of golden mane,

A thing so unexpected

He hardly knew what he could do

The moment they connected.

He knew just what the creature was,

For one cannot mistake

A unicorn for something plain,

An angel for a rake.

He laid his hands upon it

And for some time they were one

Until the moon had passed ahead,

The herald of the sun.

And when the boy had fallen

Into sleep, as boys must do,

The unicorn turned to the North

And took a step, then two,

And when the boy awoke again

His heart was full of light

As he looked for where the unicorn

Had cantered in the night.

At first he was uncertain,

Even fearful in his thought

For wherever he went looking

There the unicorn was not.

To chase it would be folly;

To lose it would be doom;

So he made himself be visible

And gave it lots of room.

He smiled while he waited

‘Til the smile hurt his face,

Then he cried and laughed alternately

And prayed aloud for grace.

The boy is waiting as we sleep,

For sleep we all must do,

Until he hears the hooves again

Come Southward, one, then two.

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