At 10:22 in the morning
I think of naught but bliss,
But at 10:22 PM
I think of stuff like this:
If the number of pedophiles goes up
And so do most kids’ weight
I wonder why we haven’t seen
More strong people of late?
Category Archives: Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
When She Doesn’t Approve Of Your Job
Work was hard to come by
So I became an exorcist.
Alas, this happy story
Comes with a bitter twist:
I sent unwanted spirits
From this world and set them free,
But my girl, who died in high school,
Called me rude and ghosted me.
Filed under Poems
Yet Another Example Of Racism In The Public Schools
Timmy and Betty drew pictures
And Timmy got an A
But teacher said to Betty
“Your picture’s not ok.”
Both drew their self portraits
But one was not alright;
Timmy used a black marker
But Betty’s pen was white.
Filed under Poems
TV Breakfasts
Mom and Dad both work all day
But when the morning breaks
You should see the breakfast
That Mama somehow makes:
A hundred stacks of pancakes,
Bacon, toast, and jam,
Four glasses of fresh orange juice
And a massive honey ham,
And upon this wondrous bounty
Cometh the kids and Dad
They grab a strawberry and run
And Mom’s not even mad…
Filed under Poems
When The Blue Car And The Red Car Are Both Racing Towards The Cliff But You Still Want Your Favorite Color To Win
If we elected a white guy
And he gave cash to everyone white
Most people would agree
That doesn’t seem morally right.
If we elected a black guy
To give cash to everyone black
Society would probably feel
Like their freedom was under attack.
If we elected a woman
Who gave money to everyone female
You can bet she’d receive
Her fair share of nasty email.
And yet we elected some rich guy
Who says “Rich folks aren’t taxed enough yet”
And then all the rich guys get richer
And nobody’s even upset?
Filed under Poems
Fashion Magazines
You may think me presumptuous,
Perhaps you’ll think me rude,
But I have to wonder
How women and some gay dudes
Published some airbrushed photos
And said, “This is beauty now,”
And everyone said “Ok, cool.”
But seriously… how?
Filed under Poems
In Local News: Dick Trenchcoat Still At Large
I once was in love with a dame
Who, for privacy’s sake, I won’t name.
When I undressed, she shouted,
Which I think is undoubted
Why I had to leave the park. Lame!
Filed under Poems
It’s a New Zealand Thing : )
Sometimes, perhaps, you hate your work…
The hours suck, your boss is a jerk,
But one guy who has a job worse than you
Is the weather reporter from Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu.
Filed under Poems
Dear Oldest Child:
Sometimes when mommy’s frisky
And dad’s not watching porn
They send you on a playdate
And another kid is born.
This new kid is a baby,
Just a lump of hungry fat
That cries and poops and sleeps a lot
And not much more than that.
Luckily for the species
But not luckily for you
That baby will get bigger
And eventually turn two.
At this point, the parents
Who loved you when you were little
Will downgrade you, unknowingly,
To the meanest second fiddle.
They’ll love all over new kid
Because, sadly, the fact is
As the oldest child you are
The one on which they’ll practice.
You will need to get straight A’s…
New kid will soar on C’s.
You will beg for any love…
New kid will just say “please.”
Yes, this seems unfair to you
But someday you will see
That this kid turns invisible
When mom has baby 3.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 