A side effect of internet
Expanding the nobodies’ voices
Is what were once called parodies
Are now called valid choices.
Opinions so abhorrent
That no one would speak in person
Are fodder for hysteria,
A fate I fear will worsen.
No civil conversation
Can withstand the hate of distance,
And leaving online life
May be the only sane resistance.
What evidence have I
That things are dire as I claim?
Well, someone unironically
Wrote “Firefly is lame.”
Filed under Poems
Here’s to all the porcupines
Who smile from behind their spines.
How they reproduce may you-befuddle,
As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.
One thing that I know for certain
Is neither partner ends up hurtin’
Which is more than I can say
For every woman I’ve had. Yay!
Filed under Poems
On TV, the blue-haired girl
Is innocent and kind.
She cooks and cleans and loves you
For your heart, not your behind.
She’s fearful, but she conquers it;
Was blind, but now she sees.
In real life, the blue-haired girl
Thinks men are a disease.
Filed under Poems
Apathy’s amazing!
It’s the best a mood can get!
It’s so great that I don’t care
That I don’t get it yet!
Filed under Poems
If the Florida Air National Guard
Gets attacked by a suicidal croc
And they try to assassinate the leader
By using many a Blackhawk
Then discover the croc was Muslim
And they make a movie about it later
I hope they give it the title:
“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”
Filed under Poems
I looked at her chest
And she called me rude
Though she walked down the street
Ninety-eight percent nude.
Yes, she was a burglar
But she had a vag
So I saved myself trouble
And turned in my badge.
I wanted to uphold
The laws of the land
But somewhere the culture
Got quite out of hand.
Had I filmed the occasion
‘Twould be legal, but hey!
Now I play “Call Of Duty”
And tell folks I’m gay.
Filed under Poems
What if the Earth
Is God’s kitchen fridge,
Cold for millions of years
Until, recently,
God opened it up
To get out some divine beers.
The Earth got all warm
From the Heaven outside
Until, once again, the doors close
That or it’s just
What science is saying…
What I’m trying to say is: Who knows?
Filed under Poems
A dinosaur wished upon a star:
“I wish the pain would stop!”
The star pulled out its Glock and said
“You’re lucky I’m a cop.”
Filed under Poems
As we wander, wounded,
Through the world of time and space
We can lie horizontally
With a pillow in our face
And reset the weary burdens
We have gained throughout the day,
Except whenever I try to do so
My brain wakes up to play…
Filed under Poems
I like to think of weird jokes
So I wrote one and hid it.
It’s not a “Yomama” joke
‘Cause then everyone would get it!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 