Though you think of cops and firemen
Or a soldier or marine,
There are men in much more danger
Doing work that’s rarely seen.
I don’t mean high-rise window washers
Or test pilots, you fools!
I speak of male teachers
At elementary schools.
Category Archives: Poems
You Have It, But You Choose How
I share with you a secret
That you think cannot be true:
That everything to ever be
Exists solely for you,
That every book and every shell
And every coin and bill
And every star and sunrise
And every sloping hill
Exist as in a melody
From one eternal voice,
That you might seek to claim them
Through your only power: choice.
For if you choose to value wealth
Then wealth you will attain
Through labor, luck, investment,
Or through theft and threat of pain.
Perhaps you value honesty
And see all worldly truth,
Or perhaps you choose your body,
To sustain the light of youth.
But though the universe is yours
You cannot hold a star
For the heat of it would burn you up
(And also, it’s too far).
So too, if wealth should pass you by
Or youth and strength should wane
That too’s the gift of everything
Preventing unseen pain.
So if you wish to value
That which pleases most of all,
Don’t wish for that which others give
(Or to be six feet tall)
But choose to value where you are,
To dream only to be,
And you shall live in paradise
For all eternity.
Filed under Poems
“One Man” Was Found Murdered In His Home That Same Evening
I asked “Why call it PMS?
“This will really save my bacon!”
One man wrote back “It’s PMS
“‘Cause ‘Mad Cow Disease’ was taken.”
Filed under Poems
When A Kid Asks “Why Is Money Good?”
If you write someone a check
For $20.42
You’re basically giving them
A fancy IOU
That they can take to any bank
And swap for coins and bills
Which are, themselves, just IOUs
From folks on capital hill.
You can use these IOUs
To buy treasury bonds
Which are IOUs that pay you cash
Just for holding on.
If you cash these IOUs
You’ll find, in fact, you can’t
Because they’re just as meaningless
As the average Facebook rant,
But if you give them to your friends
Or drop them from the sky
You’ll become an instant hero.
Now do you regret asking “Why?”
Filed under Poems
What Degree of Bachelor?
I was sitting by myself
When, as if from out of thin air,
A nymph straight from my fantasies
Asked “Is anyone sitting there?”
I smiled as well as a man can smile
When faced with an 11/10
And said “It’s free.” She said “Lovely!”
Then gave it to her friend.
Filed under Poems
When The Subtitles Don’t Match The Singer
Sometimes I wonder
If deaf people have to censor rap videos
Because someone accidentally curses in sign language.
Filed under Poems
Immortality, Step One
I flirted with death
When I ran a red light.
Death tweeted #Metoo
‘Cause I’m male and white.
Filed under Poems
An Honest Fairy Tale
A long, forgotten time ago
In long-forgotten lands
There lived a pair of lovely twins
Who worked as stablehands.
The first girl was named Allison,
The second, Mirabella.
Both had dreams of rescue
By a prince (or princely fella).
Both were bright and beautiful
And full of youthful vigor,
Their smiles were breezes in the heat
And fires within the frigor.
Allison worked hard all day
Attending to the mules,
Believing that her honest work
Would lead to princely jewels.
Mirabella worked instead
As little as she could,
Aiming to stay soft and clean
As any princess should.
Many peasants came to try
To earn a sister’s heart.
Some were strong or rich or brave
And others still made art.
But neither flowers and poetry
Nor deeds both great and small
Could attract the twins, who wanted
A prince, else none at all.
Allison grew old and strong
And wealthy all the while.
Mirabella just grew old,
But did it with a smile.
There are far fewer princes
Than lovely stablehands
In both the world in which we live
And long-forgotten lands.
Neither twin could find a prince
And neither was a wife
But both, at least, had managed
To live a happy life.
Filed under Poems
Infinity
I was an ordinary guy
Who married a single mom.
My new wife had an adult son…
I chose to call him Tom.
I was the product of a household
If a single mom as well
And it just so happened that my mom
Was my son Tom’s new belle.
Mom and Tom got married
And things got really fun
‘Cause a man who’s now my uncle
Is also my stepson.
Also interesting,
And nearly twice as bad,
Is that my stepson/uncle
Is also now my dad.
So if my son’s my father
Then I really have become
My own father as well
Since I’m my father’s father’s son.
Thus I am at once myself
And someone unrelated.
One of me is weirded out;
The other is elated.
The Daily Travesty 