Thirty-six hours in the hospital
And $17,000 dollars later
I regret my Halloween in Florida
And bobbing for that gator…
Category Archives: Poems
And That Is Why Some People Shouldn’t Have Dragons…
If I get a pet dragon
(For business or for kicks)
I’ll hide it in my dungeon
And prob’ly call it Trix.
I’ll feed it little children
To give it a dragon’s fix,
But mostly for the privilege of saying
“Silly rabbit, kids are for Trix!”
Filed under Poems
Heaven Is Real
This world of ours has beauty
Hidden where you’d least expect.
There’s a chance for redemption
In every life that ends up wrecked.
In every gray face on the corner,
In every drop the clouds can cry,
There’s a way for you to heal
If you only choose to try.
So when the sun stops shining
Take comfort in the shade.
The beauty in the pink of dawn
Is equal to when day fades.
Eagles think they’re falling
When they first learn how to fly.
Love is all around us,
Not just in some beholders eye.
The world has many faces.
Close your eyes, the faces stay.
Whatever you think of the world
It doesn’t change its way.
Regardless of what you may believe
The truth is always true.
If you don’t believe in Heaven,
Heaven still believes in you.
Filed under Poems
I Can Safely Write This Because She Doesn’t Read My Blog And Is Imaginary
Some sayings sound satisfying
But don’t apply to real life,
Like “what comes up must come down”
Doesn’t work for the weight of my wife…
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Veganism
Were I a can of cheese
Sitting softly on the shelf
I would live a peaceful life,
Like a stereotypical fantasy elf.
I would not fear to be consumed,
Nor to expire or lose my hair.
I would be orange and insubstantial,
Pressured only by compressed air.
And then one fateful afternoon
Should someone spread me out
And eat me, I can surely say
I’ll probably make them pout.
Yes, the life of cheese-in-a-can
Is an underrated goal:
Such is my conclusion.
I hope you found this droll.
Filed under Poems
I Really Need To Move To The South Already…
You tell me not to use a straw
Because somewhere in the sea
A turtle was killed by floating trash,
Perhaps produced by me.
And somewhere I imagine
In the ocean, deep and blue,
A turtle chokes on a straw and is grateful
To not be dating you.
Filed under Poems
An American In Paris
When walking les rues de Paris
I see people looking at me.
They laugh, “hua hua hua!”
At je ne sais quoi
And, like any sane person, I flee.
Filed under Poems
Why I Got A Hepatitis-F On My Biology Exam
“Hepatitis A
And Hepatitis B
Are differentiated by
The number of hours they study.”
Filed under Poems
“Santiago Must Die”
They said I could do anything
If I put my heart into it
But after 17 years in a mariachi metal band
A part of me says “screw it.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 