I forgot to write tonight
So I type as I brush my teeth.
If I don’t finish quickly
There’s no telling what
Category Archives: Poems
Yuletide Reflections
I was looking for a winter poem
That I’d already written.
I looked back through my archives
And read rhymes old me was spittin’.
Apparently I’m cynical
And full of twists and turns
And wrote more words like “Dumbass”
Than “yuletides” or “yearns”.
This Winter I’ll aspire
To be merrier than that,
But Winter’s in December
So for now yo mama’s fat.
Filed under Poems
Indie vs. Classic
Some people write songs that span verses
With reference to literary curses.
Some people write “Born in the USA”
On a napkin, then call it a day.
Filed under Poems
In The Beginning
Apple sent me their terms and conditions
But my wife said “You don’t have to read it.”
So I listened to my wife
And now my eternal life…
Well, turns out I have to concede it.
Filed under Poems
1/10 – Not A Silent Night
So I heard the angels singing
All the graces of this inn
But I’ll giveth just one star.
O! Where do I begin?
For one thing, our promised room
Was right next to a manger
And to add to ennui
And sense of mortal danger
Some virgin on a donkey
Gave birth during the night.
The manager didst told me
They’d make everything alright.
I askethed for a refund
But the innkeep said “Maybe
“Instead of giving you a refund
We’ll give gold to the baby?”
If you’re visiting Bethlehem
Know this hotel is very shit.
Also, smelled like myrrh.
-Yelp Review from “Iscariot”
Filed under Poems
Saturday Night In Paradise
I played a 30-turn Mario Party.
It made my wife tired and made our cat farty.
I won via stealing three stars from my wife
And that is why I’m satisfied with my life.
Filed under Poems
When The Kamala Voters Go On a “Sex Strike”
The Donald got elected
And that makes me so depressed
‘Cause now I can’t go out at night
Wearing my Sunday best
To hit on green-haired feminists
Who think that I am Satan.
Oh well, I have my freedom
And more time for masturbatin’.
Filed under Poems
Does That Make Me A Hipster?
We’ve invented machines to play games
That run at 60 frames
Every second, but I
Prefer to play my
Pinball machine with the flames.
Filed under Poems
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
There twice was an unlikeable chick
Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.
She lost to a man
With a very fake tan
And I’m not opposed to the schtick.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 