Category Archives: Poems

Running In The Family?

Would it be awful

If I ate a waffle

Instead of nutrition for dinner?

Not so, my lad!

No, a waffle ain’t bad

But you’ll have to work hard to get thinner.

Would it be ok

If I sat for a day

And watched TV and ate cheese?

Sure, sloth is fun

If you go for a run

To make sure you don’t get obese.

Thanks dad. You’re wise!

I guess me and the guys

Will eat waffles and cheese and relax,

Then we’ll go for a run

When the vegging is done

So our bellies don’t spill from our slacks!

Hey son, I see

Your weight starts with a three

And is neither four digits nor two.

Yeah dad, turns out

Running didn’t work out

But at least now I look more like you!

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Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving

You know how the female fantasy

Used to be being held in a tower

Until a brave prince came a calling,

Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?

Well, now the female fantasy

Is to be the brave dragon who can

And wondering why the princes won’t die

To save damsels who don’t need a man.

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Computer Tip #436

If you see a pig

Turning on your monitor

Makes it go away

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Little Did We Know, Fido Was The Lucky One

The fact it’s been 24 hours

Since our commander-in-chiefs-to-be stood

And spoke live in front of the nation

About everything they think is good

And all we remember is laughing

At foreigners eating a pet

Is a sign of the fun we’ll be having

In the bunkers without internet.

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Debate Recap 2024

So Tuesday night on ABC

Two candidates arrived

And competed for whose speeches

Sounded the least contrived.

Some faces asked them questions

Which neither deigned to answer.

It assured me of my decision:

That it’s time to vote for cancer.

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I, For One, Am On Board For Voluntarily Sharing Cake With Responsible People

Government is what happens

When you can’t share a cake

So mom and dad call the neighbor

Who takes the cake from you

And eats 90 percent of it

And gives you all a piece of celery

That doesn’t even have peanut butter

And invades Iran

Because you’re racist.

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Week 1

Our beloved Seahawks from Seattle

Began yet another sports battle.

They sucked for a while

But left with a smile

‘Cause the Broncos looked more like the Cattle.

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But You Get A Cool T-Shirt! (Or Why I Stopped Worrying And Ran A 5K)

Somehow we went from running

To avoid becoming a meal

To paying $50 to run

To express the way we feel.

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Dirty Mind Test, V. 2024

They’re sweet and round and yummy

And better when filled with meat.

I’ll grab a pair with both my hands,

Spread some mayo, smile, and eat.

Mix it with a pickle

(A wiener would do as well)

And you’ve got yourself an evening…

Yeah, her buns are sweet as hell!

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Seriously, Why Can’t We Just Have Attractive White People Starring In Original Stories With No Agenda?

There once wasn’t a modern crowd

Compelled to cheer out loud

For a diversity quota,

Caring even one iota

That the princess was now unibrowed.

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