They say life is like a box of chocolates
But I think it’s more like a Chinese buffet:
You get to eat as much as you can manage
But if it’s chicken or a puppy, who can say?
Category Archives: Poems
The Great Reset
Sometime in 1988
We finished the political game
And now we’re playing as the final boss
And discovering the devs made him lame.
I move we return to the menu
And delete our saved data, restarting
At the level where we’re naked cave people
And we elect leaders by farting.
Filed under Poems
Talk On The Streets
There once was a potato named Joe
Who forgot how to talk on a show.
He had a sidekick
Who was black and a chick
And what’s that I hear? Overthrow?
Filed under Poems
Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now
For a few months my iPhone
Had eight hours of life between charges,
Then the next model released
And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.
Oh, an update to iOS x+1?
That sounds like an important step.
Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?
Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.
“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.
“You can upgrade today for free.
“You’ll just change your phone number
“And sign here in blood
“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”
And so, in a rage, I go shopping
For whatever Android people buy,
Then I remember how all my app data
Only works if my phone has an “i”
And I slink to my room where my charger
Sits happily waiting to go.
I’ll repeat this emotional process
Every year for a lifetime or so.
Filed under Poems
Almost Heaven, West Virginia?
There was an affordable city
That wasn’t all dirty and shitty.
Then it made the news
And earned plenty of views
And Californians are coming… a pity!
Filed under Poems
HR Strikes Again
Barbecue at work.
Brought wieners and hot fresh buns.
Now I’m unemployed.
Filed under Poems
Poems From My Vacation 6 – Victoria, BC
The Gardens of Butchart are marvelous,
A sprawling Canadian eden
Where flowers abound over hillock and mound
And employees spend all their day’s weedin’.
The Gardens are themed geographically,
With Italian and Japanese spaces
And the gelato shop sold, for $8 a pop,
Icy treats to put smiles on faces.
Nearby was the Butterfly Garden
With bugs, birds, turtles, and more
And you could just sit as the butterflies flit
And the lizards abound on the floor.
Overall, ‘twas a wonderful venture
Into flora and fauna domestic.
If you find yourself in Victoria too
Both sites are grand and majestic.
Filed under Poems
Another Reason Not To Trust Rhyming Dictionaries
I think if I were an animal
I’d be a sea anemone
Because they’re not a popular animal
And I like to be left alone.
Filed under Poems
Luckily My Bills Only Go Up 10 Percent A Year
When you read a job application
And ask what the position pays
And the interviewer says “It’s minimum wage
“But each year there’s a 3-percent raise!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 