Tonight we play D&D
And pretend to not be me
And instead be a wizard
Who’s also a lizard
And does not write bad poetry.
Category Archives: Poems
The Little Things
You know when you’re eating the pasta
That’s shaped liked a little wheat shell
And they stick on your tongue while you eat them
And you feel like the whole world is well?
Or how ‘bout when you’re dehydrated
And your pee is all yellow and bright
And the pee-water gets kinda cloudy
And you flush and it all feels alright?
I like that just-popped-a-zit feeling
And that “earwax is washed away” calm.
It’s just me? That may be, but I’m hoping
You find your own commonplace balm.
Filed under Poems
Burn Those Calories!
I once had a buddy named Roddy
Whose fitness routine was shoddy.
His plan, as he stated,
Was to just be cremated
And end up with a smokin’ hot body.
Filed under Poems
For Reference, The Question Was “Why Do You Need To Visit Congress”
There once was a venomous fly
That, with one touch, could make a man die.
It’s untraceable and yellow.
I’ll release it, dear fellow,
And that is my whole answer why.
Filed under Poems
Murica
‘Twas the Fifth of July
And all through the room
People were sleepy
From lots of boom boom.
But we can take solace
As tinnitus lingers:
The worst of our neighbors
Now have but nine fingers.
Filed under Poems
The Zookeeper Writes An Honest Children’s Book
A is for Antelope, which isn’t a deer.
B is for Babirusa, which isn’t a pig.
C is for Capybara, an animal I hear
Was the largest of rodents ‘til your kid did appear.
D is for Dumbo Octopus, a name that fits you.
E is for Echidna, which I wish your wife said.
F is for Frigatebird, which sounds much akin
To what I wish to say unto you and your kin.
G is for Gerenuk, which is also not a deer.
H is for a place where you might disappear.
I am now leaving to go do my job
And I bid good day to you and your blob.
Filed under Poems
Plane And Simple
While early birds may get the worm
Another truth may make you squirm:
Early birds often get
Sucked into a jet
And thus, to sleep late, I affirm.
Filed under Poems
Seriously Though!
Instead of advertisements
That interrupt your day
I think we should have achievements
That say to you “Hooray!
“You did a thing that worked
“And your team from [insert brand]
“Reminds you that you’re awesome
“And we’re giving you a hand!”
If a business did this
I would probably buy their stuff.
Instead, we’re scared or guilted
Into brands by a digital bluff.
So if you are a corporation
(‘Cause corporations are people too)
And you read this far, I hope that
You’ll do what you need to do.
Filed under Poems
You’ve Identified The Problem… What’s Your Solution?
If you call out “Woe is me”
Be assured that you are right,
For only you can cause the grief
Of thinking through the night,
Of worrying from dawn to dusk
Of things you’ve yet to do.
But if you choose to not be woe
You’re wise among the few.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 