Heroes

There’s a man I admire. He’s a rock star

And his lyrics have changed my life.

He accompanied me from a basement alone

To a home with my wonderful wife.

He told me his son has a hero

And it isn’t the guy that you think,

Not the man who’s inspiring millions

But the guy who fixed up the sink.

I’m content now to not be a rockstar,

To embrace all the skills I don’t see

Because somewhere a hero is watching

And perhaps is inspired by me.

I’ll endeavor to be the example

Of the way I think normal should go.

We can all be a hero to someone

Even if it’s someone we don’t know.

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Ode To Brian Thompson

There was an insurance exec

Who got shot in the street. What the heck?

But instead of mass fear

Folks just let out a cheer,

Now relieved of one pain in the neck.

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I’m, Uh, Wrapping Your Gifts? (Hehehe)

It’s the holiday season

Which is great for this reason:

It’s the only time of the year

That fully guilt-free

You can cut down a tree

And tell people “Don’t come in here!”

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Actual Photo Of Our Christmas Tree…

It’s Friday night

And I’ve learned a bit

About Christmas trees

And how they fit.

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And Yet Businesses Still Do This… (Not The Kidnapping Part Though… Yet)

So a friend of mine got kidnapped

And they sent a ransom link.

It said “click here to see the ransom price”.

I’ll never see him again, I think.

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This Is How Video Games Ask “WTF?”

You’d not saved your game in a while

So I made you an autosaved file

Yet as hard as I slaved

You still manually saved

As if I harbored some sort of guile?

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A Poem For My Wife On The Occasion Of A Duty To Her Peers

‘Twas the day of jury duty

And through the courthouse

Most groups were still waiting

(They’d just called in “mouse”).

The judges were hoping

For non-psycho jurors

While my wife was pining

For sofas and purrers.

One hundred dollars

Awaited those selected

To sit in the waiting room,

Tired and dejected,

But some of those gathered

Would be chosen to act

As one of a dozen

Who would justice enact.

The thrill of deciding

A dumb person’s fate

Might be tempting for some,

But not to my mate.

She wanted to go

To her job or her house,

Not to wait for a call

For “Octopus”. (Nope, still “mouse”).

And then, with a flash

And a low-level clatter

A sentry emerged

And did hush all their chatter.

“I’ve news for you all”

The page said to the bunch.

“We don’t need you right now.

“Take an hour for lunch.”

And so wifey departed

In search of a bite

With an intrusive thought

That she’d be here all night…

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It’s About Sending A Message

There was a little spider

In my bathroom late at night.

Now it’s gone, and so is one shotgun shell

And I have a new skylight!

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Beats By Dreidel

Gentiles got foreskins, ya,

But my bros got candles nine.

We only got a day of oil

But there’s God, so we’ll be fine.

We can burn these candles y’all

For a dozen days or so

And all you got’s a baby

In a manger full of snow?

You get one day of giving gifts;

We’ve got a fortnight minus two

Plus no Mariah Carey

So come become a jew!

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The Herald Can Hark On December 11th

The tree is up

The lights are hung

The gifts are wrapped

And stockings strung

The mistle’s toed

Now all I seek

Is to delay the music

For one more week.

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