In the bible it’s very clear
That having sex with one who’s near
To you in blood is something that one doesn’t.
If you’re another brother’s mother
Be wary choosing a significant other
Because sin be cousins causin’ cousins.
Tag Archives: Black Humor
Imagery…
He said “Hey there baby.
“Want to date a carpenter?”
She said “I would rather
“French kiss a pencil sharpener.”
Filed under Poems
This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you no longer exist
You will not be scared or sad
Annoyed, confused, or pissed;
You will not suffer any pain
Or shed a single tear,
No longer prone to earthly woes,
‘Cause you’re no longer here!
If you cease to be a thing
Nothing will cause you harm.
You won’t regret the time you wasted
On your Facebook farm.
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you’re absent from the dawn
You won’t mind when the whole world sings
“Thank God he’s finally gone!”
Filed under Poems
In Other News, The Pipe Organ Will Be Renamed “The Vapiano”
Today at the store
I saw advertised
“Raspberry oranges”
Which I soon surmised
Were simply blood oranges
Rebranded so they
Would not offend those
Whose balls went away.
Now as days get longer
And evenings get hotter
I give thanks that raspberries
Are thicker than water.
If I buy some candy
With a blue-raspberry taste
I’ll know royal blood
Has great suffering faced.
I’ll go to church
For the raspberry of Christ.
Instead of blood running cold
I’ll make raspberry ice!
Yes, the pussification
Of America is sweet
‘Til the raspberry of Patriots
Signals final defeat!
Filed under Poems
This Is Why God Chose Me To Have A Poet’s Salary
If I had a billion dollars
I’d buy a sports franchise
And make a special policy
To only hire guys
With super inappropriate surnames
Like Hitler, Kuntz, White-Powers,
And listen to the commentators
Say their names for hours…
Filed under Poems
Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…
I needed some lubrication
(Not for that, you dirty cad!)
So I went to the supermarket
To see what types they had.
They had oil made from olives,
Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,
And ingredients I can’t pronounce
Even if I tried for hours.
But then I saw a product
That set my blood a boil:
Somebody was selling there
A jar of baby oil!
Filed under Poems
Carols In Da Hood
Today as I was driving
Through the downtown Detroit snow
I heard such lovely music as
“Oh Nightly Hoe,”
“Blew Christmas,” “Slay Ride,”
“Santa Baby-Daddy,” “Little Saint’s Dick,”
“White Privilege Christmas”
And “Look Who I Got With The Ice Pick.”
I would have felt unsafe but I
Was with someone known well:
My inner-city Christmas buddy
Da’First No’El.
Filed under Poems
When You Speak To A Chihuahua Without A Stupid Accent…
“You’re a good boy! Yes you are!”
They said and pulled me to the car.
But they didn’t use a cutesy voice
So I killed them (I had no choice).
Filed under Poems
Sorry Mr. President, But You Can’t Come Back To Disneyland
Everything was going well
Until I ate that Taco Bell…
For one glorious ride I was a fountain
In the very first car upon Splash Mountain.
Filed under Poems
Thanks New World Order!
This year they started teaching kids
As young as five-years-old
That gender is whatever you choose
And not just what you’re told.
To celebrate this progress
In sex-ed for the prepubescent
I thought of a list of titles
For children’s books in this age present:
“Everybody Fucks,” for one;
Or “When the President Sniffs Your Hair”;
“The Very Hungry Pedophile”;
Or the two-papa Berenstain Bears.
“When Daddy Says ‘Call Me Mommy’”;
“The Fantastic Gyration Sensation”;
And a favorite of drag queen story hour:
“A is for Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”
Maybe you don’t feel comfortable
Putting porn in your preschooler’s head?
Don’t worry! For kids who are too young
We’ll teach them they’re racists instead!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 