Jesus was born in a manger
And in French “manger” means “to eat.”
I don’t know how that is relevant
But I still think it is neat.
Tag Archives: Christmas
Christmas In Cascadia
We the people laugh and sing
Though our houses serve as graves
To the offspring of the forests
And the farms of evergreen slaves.
We hang lights on the bodies
Of the trees we cut ourselves
And celebrate the sootiness
Of indentured arctic elves.
Our celebration is offensive
To terrorists a world away
Thus to mention “Merry Christmas”
Means you’re probably anti-gay.
So just say “Happy Holidays,”
And smile and submit
So folks who think this poem is serious
Will not have a fit.
Filed under Poems
When The Light Goes Out Things Get Dark
There is one green light bulb
From an old Christmas tree
In the upper-left-hand plastic ring
Of the thingy that holds together
A six-pack of generic-brand cola,
Reclining in an Ohio landfill,
Never again to be lit
Or decorate a house
Or hold public office,
But the bulb is happy
Because it will outlast the family
Who chucked it in a hefty bag
And forgot all about it.
The bulb remembers.
The bulb is patient.
The bulb is all out of mercy…
Filed under Poems
Nice Guys Finish Last… It’s A Gift
All I want for Christmas
Is a lump of coal.
I hope I get one soon.
My only problem
Is I’m a good boy
And also that it’s June.
Filed under Poems
Here’s Your Gift From Me :-)
‘Twas finally Christmas
And all over the place
Were lots of much better poems
So I’ll get out of your face.
Filed under Poems
Happy Memories and Family…ish
Snow and presents,
Carols, nostalgia.
Yes, ’tis the season
And that’s why I called ‘ya.
We had a great year.
Yeah, the kids are alright.
I’m glad you’re my family.
Call you next year. Good night.
Filed under Poems
Unintended Consequences
‘Twas two days before Christmas
And filling the sky
Were Amazon.com drones
Sent by those who clicked “buy.”
The children looked up
And they felt the lie slipping.
Parents said “Santa outsourced
“To get next day shipping.”
The children relaxed,
Curiosity sated
And went to their rooms
And for Christmas eve waited.
Meanwhile in Alaska
Somewhere near North Pole
Rudolph stood in line
To get on the state’s dole,
To collect unemployment
For now he could see
That his job, thanks to robots,
Had gone down in history.
Filed under Poems
Shouldn’t We Be Celebrating Veteran’s Day By Now?
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A holiday that lasted less than two months
That I didn’t have to hear or see.
Filed under Poems
We Won’t Even Go Into The “Mom’s A Virgin” Thing
One of the beloved songs
Is titled “Silent Night,”
Of story of a night where all
Is calm and all is bright.
With the writer of the song
I want to have a chat.
A silent night where all is bright?
What kind of night is that?
Filed under Poems
I Like Trees More Anyway
Today is the day
The trees come inside
And the children go out
In the ice and the snow.*
Why we bring in trees
Is a mystery to me
And why we take back the kids
I don’t rightfully know.
*If you looked at this asterisk
You may not be from Minnesota
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 