So when you die the tax man comes
To take of your estate
While you pay tax on a hospital bill,
Pine box, and granite slate,
Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.
You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars
Which is why I will die as an astronaut:
‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.
Filed under Poems
“Nothing gold can stay“
Is another way to say
If you’re male and not gay
You’re gonna have to pay.
Filed under Poems
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m looking for a kettle six-foot or thereabout
Who makes a hefty salary, and when I shout
He wins me over and takes me out.
Filed under Poems
So babe, I heard you want a ring.
You need to know there’s just one thing…
You already have one in your nose
And that’s why thus your love life goes.
Filed under Poems
In a dreary campus sat
Poor I, a poet, much perturbed
For I was realizing that
My odds of passing were disturbed.
Th’examination that I took
Was one on poetry, so I
Did not much study from my book
But sat the test, my brain still dry.
Yes, I could name poetic styles
Sonnet, Sestina, Villanelle.
I blacked out bubbles, full of smiles,
‘Til did important topics knell.
I can distinguish couplet forms
Iamb, Trochee, and Anapest.
Easily I fought these questions swarmed
But failed at what mattered best:
A final question on the page
The exam’s author failed to anoint
And my lack of answer caused me rage.
The question: “What’s the fucking point?”
Filed under Poems
Irritating, aggravating,
Enervating, asinine,
Childish, boorish, makes-me-snore-ish,
Meaningless but mostly fine,
Stupid, senseless, mauve, relentless,
Bleaker than “Old Yeller”,
And somehow amidst these reviews
A New York Times Bestseller…
Filed under Poems
If you’re thinking of a career change
One job has quite low stress:
Suicide bombers will always retire
Right after their greatest success.
Filed under Poems
“It’s my emotional support animal”, I said
But she just continued to glare.
She must prefer her support fluffy
But I like mine medium-rare.
Filed under Poems
We’ve reached the point in Monopoly
Where all the property’s gone
And one rich guy is making
Everybody else a pawn
So why are we surprised
When the thimbles of the world
Decide it’s time the tables flipped
And wads of cash get hurled?
Filed under Poems
To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 