I sit here at the bus stop
Reading Fifty Shades of Grey
(Which I got at the library
‘Cause for that crap I won’t pay)
And as I skim from the intro
Until the final line
I see one quite clear shade
But where’s the other forty-nine?
Tag Archives: Dumb
Waldo and the Disturbing Lack of Spiritual Guidance for Fictional Persons
Many kids found Waldo
When themselves were kids.
They found Waldo in a crowd
‘Cause that’s just what they did.
Some grown-ups still have Waldo
Waiting on their shelf,
But how many people thought
To help poor Waldo find himself?
Filed under Poems
What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”
Lemon flavored water,
Lemon cheesecake and desserts,
Lemon flavored pepper
Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.
The only lemon item
That people don’t enjoy
Are actual plain ol’ lemons.
(Also maybe lemon bok choy).
Filed under Poems
We Are The Sum Of Our Experiences
Have you ever seen a sunrise
And thought “that’s very yellow?”
Have you ever met a stranger
And known you do not know the fellow?
Have you ever started a poem
Without knowing how it will end?
If so I have to ask you
To stop trying to steal my identity.
Filed under Poems
Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe
If you prey at a alter
And like you’re time their,
You watch the news and think
That how the world works isnt fare,
Youve misplaced yor resume
But will happily give you the jist
Than you might bee looking four jobs
Via a web sight like Craigslist.
Filed under Poems
On The Importance Of Proper Labeling
I hear the sound of fallen snow
Like the moment before applause,
The echo of previous silence,
A silent question’s pause.
My ears softly ring
From what’s no longer there.
And I silently sigh inside myself
And lie back in my chair.
Where once I was an emperor,
A man respected, feared,
For whom the wicked trembled
And for whom the righteous cheered,
Now I sit, a man alone,
Completed in rebirth.
In the silence now I tell myself
“I thought the other button nuked the Earth!”
Filed under Poems
We Won’t Even Go Into The “Mom’s A Virgin” Thing
One of the beloved songs
Is titled “Silent Night,”
Of story of a night where all
Is calm and all is bright.
With the writer of the song
I want to have a chat.
A silent night where all is bright?
What kind of night is that?
Filed under Poems
*With The Exception Of A Few (You Know Who You Are), This Was More A Matter Of Finding A Proper Rhyme Than Actual Disrespect
I respect dumbells.
They have a valuable job.
By lifting them up we grow stronger
Faster than eating corn on the cob.
I don’t respect bad drivers
And people from Northeastern states*.
I suggest we rename them “dumbells”
And call dumbells “single-hand weights.”
Filed under Poems
Oh, Also I’m Sick
Sitting on a bus
Waiting to go home.
I don’t feel creative at all.
The driver is gone.
If this moment were art
It’d be the plain red stripe on a hotel wall.
Dogs are pretty.
Pretties are not always dogs.
If you thought you’d be happy
With this poem’s conclusion
Reread the first two lines.
The Daily Travesty 