Tag Archives: Happiness

Logic, American Dream Style

Monday through Friday

My heart’s only dread

Is that midmorning song

That says “get out of bed.”

Yet come days of Satur

And as well days of Sun

My heart sings in the morning

‘Til the day is all done.

For when clocks of alarm

Cracks serenity’s hold

And says “put on your clothes

“And go do what you’re told”

My vigor and pep

Aren’t what they used to be

Like when I was a child

And still blissfully free.

When instead of alarms

To the sun I awaken

And instead of my job

I get pancakes and bacon

My bliss flows more freely

And I feel stronger.

From now on I’ll work weekends

And be miserable longer.

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Life Without Makeup

Chapped lips, dry skin,

Hair without a bobby pin,

Baggy pants, hairy pits,

A shirt that hides any sign of tits,

Spotty face, mustache line,

Eau de toilette called “big ass pine,”

A house that others call a sty:

Just another great day of being a guy!

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I Can’t, On Account Of My Poor Constitution And Admirable Apathy

Just a few hours

Since last I wrote verse

My health and comfort

Have grown ever worse.

I’m caughing and wheezing,

Congested and achy,

Borderline antisocial

And across-the-line flaky.

But I find in this state

Of poor manners and health

I’ve gained more than money…

A much grander wealth:

The fortune and glory

My sickness imposed

Was not giving a shit.

It’s better than I’d supposed. 

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Steak and Eggs

I splatter unborn baby birds

Onto a burning pan

And eat them with some cattle flesh.

It’s great to be a man!

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The Poet Eats PBJs and Justifies His Existence

I’d rather be happy than rich.

Mansions are fine, but smiles are hot.

I’d rather be happy than rich,

And I’m happy to say that I’m not.

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Seeing Me For Me

To have a snazzy nickname

Like Ultra, Swabs, or Fish:

That was my desire,

My one and only wish

‘Til today I walked down broadway

And someone yelled “hey, herpes guy!”

Somehow I’m not happy

Though my wish is satisfied…

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Somewhere In Texas

Somewhere in Texas

The gray clouds were parted,

Children didn’t comment

Even though someone farted,

A lone sunbeam broke

Through the sky, dark and wild,

And pond’ring his legacy

George W. smiled.

Somewhere in Texas

The dogs stopped their barking.

The deserts had rain

And the cities had parking.

And in the un-droughted sunbeamy parking lot

Sat an ex-executive dope,

No longer most hated

Or so he would hope.

Somewhere in Texas

A prairie dog sits.

It eats when it’s hungry

And afterwards… you know.

That rodent posts nothing

On Facebook today

And if we are lucky

Our friends will be the same way.

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Things Could Be Better… Or Not?

Remember that time,

That era of bliss,

When everything was

So much better than this?

When rainbows were present

Despite sunny days?

When you truthfully liked

One or more high school plays?

When people were friendlier

Than they are now?

When you could eat beef

Without harming a cow?

When the radio played

All your favorite songs

And giant monkeys weren’t kings

But elected-representative Kongs?

When Hamilton tickets

Could be purchased without

Selling infants on ebay

And a diagnosis of gout?

When Harambe was living

And that neighbor you hate

Was still in a prison

Somewhere in Kuwait?

But alas, you are peasants

And remember you don’t.

You tell me “say sorry,”

But too bad, I won’t. 

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The Consequences of Peace

My baggage is here.

I’m safe and happy

Which means once again

These poems will be short and crappy.

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I’m Satisfied Though

Although I’m not clam-happy yet

I’m happy as an oyster.

It’s happinesd that’s mixed with tears-

Still happy, only moister.

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