I once went shopping at the mall
With a Russian guy and a Russian doll.
The Russian guy could reach the top shelf
But the Russian doll was too full of herself.
Tag Archives: Humor
Lent Carols
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silent all the way.
We’re not happy but at least
The priests don’t know we’re gay. Hey!
Silent bells, silent bells,
Silence for the win!
Here’s to seven weeks to stew
In our original sin!
…
Silent night, holy night.
Jesus ate not a bite.
Satan says “make that rock into bread.”
Jesus’s like “Naw, I’ll come back from the dead.”
Then he gave up Facebook!
(If you doubt it go read the good book).
…
On the first day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
Hot sand and misery!
On the second day of lent
Jehovah gave to me
No 🤬ing food
And some hot sand and misery!
On the third day of Lent
Jehovah gave to me…
(Use your imagination, we’ve got 38 more days of this đź’©)!
…
Filed under Poems
Why I’m Homeschooled
I knew not how to spell “Schism”
And so I took a wild guess…
“I-t-apostrophe-s-P-
o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s.”
Filed under Poems
The College Nerd
Back when I lived in the dorms,
I was no fan of social norms.
It was there when I finally heard
My conscience say “you are a nerd.”
For in the dorm above my own
One night I heard a lustful moan,
Then another, then yet more
While I was beating my high score.
Although my skill is up to snuff
The type of games I play are tough
So I yelled “Be quiet when you *bleep* her!
“I’m trying to focus on Minesweeper.”
Now you may laugh and call me names
Since I scoff at sex while playing games
But I avoided future strife:
Minesweeper trains men for married life.
Virgin loser? Yep, that’s me!
Enjoy your one-night TNT.
Star Wars Episode IX
The stormtrooper lands
In Nairobi, Kenya
And fires his blaster
Into the falling H2O.
The Jedi asks the trooper
“What was all that?”
And the trooper says
“I miss the rains down in Africa.”
*Roll Credits*
Filed under Poems
Priorities
I don’t see why we’re worrying
About regulating guns
When supermarkets sell packages
Of eight hot dogs and ten buns.
Filed under Poems
Tonight: Shred Monkey (Ft. The Green Bay Packers)
When it comes to choosing my dream career
I’ve finally made a decision:
I’ve decided I want to be
A major league musician…
I want to be in a band so famous
They play quick football games during intermission.
Filed under Poems
Hopscotch Reimagined
Who are these people,
These lines of numbered squares?
How do they feel
As the world around them stares?
As they’re moved from chalk outlines
Into their waiting coffin
We wonder why they’re murdered
On playgrounds so often…
Filed under Poems
About Your Pet Spider…
If you tell me to take care of
A monster with eight eyes
I hope you won’t be unhappy
When it inevitably dies.
Filed under Poems
Knowledge =/= Power
I know how to love my neighbor.
I know how to win a fight.
I know how to hold my ground
And not back down from what is right.
I know how to give a speech
And how to help a friend in need.
I know how to make love grow
From what was but a tiny seed.
I know how to be myself.
I know how one’s heart forgives.
I know how to stoke the fire
Which in my soul forever lives.
I know how to have no fear
And hold myself in high regard.
The only problem I can see
Is everything I know is hard.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 