Tag Archives: Humor

Gobbledegook

In the wilds of Gobbledegook

Are paths too many overlook.

One path most people think is lost

Leads to a world exempt of cost,

Where man and nature have no laws,

Where an effect may have no cause,

Where you may hear a singsong tune

That smells like sunset on the moon.

The goblins that live in this land

Live lives most thoroughly unplanned,

Not to be shared with people doomed

To travel on a path more groomed.

If you are one who seeks to find

The secrets of the unthought mind,

To seek safety via dangers

Know this: Goblins welcome strangers.

All you need to live for free

Is to stare at what you can’t see.

The best place to start to not look?

Try the wilds of Gobbledegook.

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White Men, 2019

One day someone was looking

At a girl with diamond earrings

And thought “hey, those are pretty

“But why not use frisbees instead?”

Thus was the beginning

Of the now-frequent appearings

Of those with earlobes larger

Than the brains inside their heads.

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Old Habits Never Die

She killed a man in April.

By May she was convicted.

The day of her execution came;

Her heart, it was conflicted.

The guard came to her cell

And asked what her last meal would be.

She said “I don’t know. What do you want?”

#ReasonsForTheDeathPenalty

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She’s Also My Muse (And The Reason This Blog Exists)

My Mom’s the bomb!

Her name’s not Tom.

She deserves much great aplomb.

She’s older than a CD-Rom.

This poem’s bad, unlike my Mom.

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Let Life End As It Began

I want to die of an orgasm.

It’s a death that would leave me content

And the folks at my wake

Would say “for goodness’ sake

“That poet, he came and he went.”

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58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

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It’s 11:48 And I’m A Horrible Person

Today I cut onions

And everyone cried.

Onions was a good dog;

It’s a shame that he died.

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Other Viable Weapons Include Chihuahuas, Telemarketers, And The Music Of Taylor Swift

Are you unhappy?

Perhaps you’re depressed?

You want to shoot up a school

Because you’re so stressed?

Don’t grab your assault gun

And make hunters sad.

Instead, grab some kale

And do something bad.

If a few more folk heroes

With defective prozac

Go out with a bang

Via kale attack

The liberals will ban it

And the world will shout “yay!”

To leave your legacy

That’s the very best way.

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Prudent Advice Too Often Overlooked By Those Committing Revisionist-History Infanticide

If you went back in time

To kill Hitler as a baby

You probably should consider

That someone else just maybe

Might go back in time again

This time to kill you

‘Cause you’re a time-traveling baby killer

As far as they knew.

That’s why if you ever

Change history somehow

By traveling to the past

To influence the now

I think it’s important

To leave a detailed letter

Explaining how killing babies

Can make the world better.

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The Circle Of Life

Beneath the cloudless golden sky of Summer,

Atop the countless rainbow leaves of Fall,

In the stinging hail and drifting snow of Winter,

I lived happily ever after after all.

And in the rains and flowery winds of Springtime

When life, besieged by Winter comes to mend,

I find a big ass spider in my shower

And the fairy tale (and spider’s life) must end.

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