The pilot said I could not fly
With two corpses. I wanted to fight him
But the rules were clear: I could not bring
More than one carrion item.
Tag Archives: Joke
My High School Love Life
The car windows are steamy.
My chest is warm and bare.
My fingers tingle, running
Gently through her golden hair.
Her chin is in my fingers
And I pull her lips to mine.
Our tongues do dance a tango
That defines the word divine.
I pause, she gasps and whimpers
But I say “I’ll be back soon.”
I step into the parking lot
Beneath the crescent moon.
I can read “humane society”
Despite the evening fog.
I tell the clerk “I’ll take her,”
And that’s how I met my dog.
Filed under Poems
I Stole These Jokes And Made Them Rhyme… You’re Welcome
A Mexican magician
Was the epitome of grace.
He would count “uno, dos,”
Then disappear without a tres.
He did this trick in Europe.
When he reappeared he said “mama mia!”
Then he asked “can you see me now?”
And the crowd said: “Yes, oui, si, ja.”
Filed under Poems
Pokemon
A pyromaniacal lizard,
A grand aquatic turtle,
A plant-infested dinosaur
Walk into a bar.
Some ten-yeard-olds
Go on a quest with them.
It’s worked out well so far.
Filed under Poems
Not Your Average Blackbirds
Three grey crows
Walk into a bar
Where liberals make jokes
About how white they are.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Is As Funny As You Are
Why did the [subject]
[action in past-tense]?
Because [satisfying irony],
But that’s just my two cents.
Filed under Poems
After the Rave
What is orange
And six feet tall
And smells like it is dead?
This isn’t a joke.
I’m asking you
Because one is in my bed.
Filed under Poems
You May Already Get This Joke
You enter the clearing
Where your publisher lives
And wander up to his home.
You’re greeted by
A lovely smell
And ceramic garden gnome.
You didn’t think
You’d leave here rich.
You thought you’d just come for dinner,
But at the Publisher’s
Clearing House
You may already be a winner.
Filed under Poems
Roadkill
Last night was so traumatic
That I need somewhere to vent,
For deep inside my heart
This feeling, up is pent.
I was driving home that evening
Behind a smart car, of all things,
Admiring the method
By which Shakira sings
When I saw the telltale glint
Of two curious green eyes,
And at once I knew the smart car
Was going faster than was wise.
Out leapt the eyes, and with them
Came the body of the cat.
There was quite the explosion
With blood and all of that.
And so I’ve seen the process
Of roadkill. Such dismay!
At least I take some comfort knowing
That at least the cat’s okay.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 