Tag Archives: Life

Meltdown

When you hear a baby crying

And you’ve grown into the age

When you cannot cry in public

It might trigger you to rage

Or declare your thoughts to others

As a well-read baby sage.

The baby, though, is wiser

For it knows the cause of tears:

Every pain is fresh and novel

For its endless early years

And it hasn’t lived to learn yet

To explain away its fears.

When an older person weeps

Knowing well you’ll criticize

Why not pause to beg the question

That’s behind their flowing eyes?

Is it too a swift discomfort

Or perhaps a cruel disguise?

Or perhaps you’re seeing someone

Who, for years, has worn their masks

While they smiled sans seratonin

And pursued their daily tasks.

They have answers for the weeping

But they cry since no one asks.

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The Marital Bed

There once was a bed with a pillow

Then a wife did enter the room

And thus my one-pillow system

Began to sense its doom.

First came two big long pillows

That stretched across the bed

And did everything a pillow should

Except help rest your head.

Then came two fluffy square ones

That aren’t the same color or size

Because apparently symmetry

Is not good for a female’s eyes.

Then came that little round novelty

With a pic of my mother-in-law

And now I don’t sleep with a pillow at all,

Put my head on mattress all raw.

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The 30-Second Poetry Special

A poet once went on a break

Which turned out to be a mistake

‘Cause he hurried to finish

His limerick, diminish

Ing his perfect lyrical break.

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Modern Literature

Irritating, aggravating,

Enervating, asinine,

Childish, boorish, makes-me-snore-ish,

Meaningless but mostly fine,

Stupid, senseless, mauve, relentless,

Bleaker than “Old Yeller”,

And somehow amidst these reviews

A New York Times Bestseller…

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An Introvert’s Afternoon (Or Why I Don’t Read As Much As I Used To)

You look so comfy on the couch

Quietly reading your book.

Why don’t we turn on the TV

And then leave you alone in your nook

And if you attempt to turn off the show

We’re not watching, we’ll come back and say

“Turn that back on”, then proceed to tell you

All the bad stuff we thought of today.

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Before and After

Hot tub in the snow

Warm and cozy, loving life

Whatcha mean, “Get out”?

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Off The Grid

The government is playing Yahtzee

Except instead of rolling dice

They get to place the dice face-up

However they think is nice.

Meanwhile, they make us roll our dice

And tell them what we rolled

Even though they already watched us

And take half our score ‘til we fold.

Playing Yahtzee with the government

Is not a whole lot of fun

So that’s why I want to go live in the woods

With my wife, my dog, and my gun.

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#Relatable

So you know when you’re in public

And you kinda need to poop

So you go into the restroom

And kinda do a stoop

And pray that all the excrement

That needs to leave your bum

Will flow into the toilet

Before your knees get numb?

You wait and wait for seven years

(The watch would say 1 minute)

‘Til you let loose a bunny turd

And you say, “That’s good, innit?”

And then you do the little walk

Back to the restaurant table

And though you still have to poop

You also want to seem mentally stable?

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Ten-Year-Old Me And Thirty-Year-Old Me Have The Same Complaints

My parents said that trading card games

Weren’t good for my education

But as I grow advanced in age

I deny that proclamation

Because working for days on a perfect deck

And bringing it to play with strangers

Only to get wiped out by $1,000 carboard

Is a lesson in capitalist dangers.

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What I Think Of During Meetings

Thanks to fluorescent lighting

You see a hundred smiling faces

Of a hundred unhappy people

Just covering their bases.

There’s a slideshow on the laptop

That was made the night before

That will make investors happy

And will make the buyers poor.

The conference room has donuts

And the chairs are soft and red

And you eat the sweet, admit defeat,

And notice that you’re dead.

But if you have a family,

A student, and a friend,

And half as many fucks to give

You’ll know its not the end

But instead you’ll move toward the light

In the corner of the page

And start to live the life you had

When you still knew your age.

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