In the near future, diversity quotas
Will become even harder to fill
So job interviewers will have to start meetings
With, “Hey, so I see you are Bill
“But if you’ll let us call you Simone during work
“And you’ll say that your pronouns are ‘they’
“Then we’re happy to call you our newest employee.
“Otherwise, have a very nice day.”
Filed under Poems
Today I went back to work
And I had an amazing day
That was absolutely fantastic
In every single way!
I got paid well and my colleagues
Are fine, upstanding folks
And I’m sharing this with you
So I don’t get fired for writing jokes.
Filed under Poems
This year was wild and crazy
And I was indulgent and lazy.
This year I’ll endeavor
To sleep more than ever
And get rich like Martin Scorsese.
Filed under Poems
There are two days of the year
Where fireworks and beer
Are acceptable for neighbors to abuse
And yet some neighbors (ours)
Must be from Venus instead of Mars
Because tonight’s the night they picked to light the fuse…
Filed under Poems
I had a lovely afternoon
About which you’ll never hear
Because I’m saving the clever poems
For probably sometime next year.
Filed under Poems
There once was a break in my work
When I didn’t have to go to work
And my days had no work
And the absence of work
Was accentuated by not going to work.
Filed under Poems
Some music tells a story
Through its lyrics and its tune
While other songs can set a mood
Akin to Clair de Lune,
But gather up some saxophones
And play the notes you shouldn’t
And enjoy the kind of angry zen
That other music couldn’t.
You play between the melody
And skip around the beat,
Lighting cigars from wreckage
Of that old Chernobyl heat,
Not thinking of the church or state
Or fighting that good fight
But hearing without listening
And feeling things be right.
When every chord is almost sweet
And every stab of pain
Invites the opportunity
For dancing in the rain
You’ll know you’ve found the answer
And a chill runs down your spine
Because your call’s important
So please stay on the line.
Of all the times to be alive
Today is number one.
We’ve cured most bad diseases
And optimized our fun.
Our problems are the first-world type,
But what still seems kind of weird
Is that I was born when it’s fashionable
To be a bald guy with a beard.
Filed under Poems
It’s Friday night
And the bar is hoppin’.
Folks are tired
From Christmas shoppin’.
All around
Drinks off are toppin’
And fists do fly
And guys be droppin’
But I don’t know
What pills they’re poppin’
‘Cause my bed said “Hi”
And into it I drop in.
Filed under Poems
Wrapping paper tube
In my mind a light saber
Wife is not impressed
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 